| Steven Covey had the right idea. There are | | | | very |
| discreet skills and | | | | |
| | | | powerful. Sometimes people have to hear it |
| attitudes, habits if you will, that can | | | | 'from the horse's |
| elevate your conflict | | | | |
| | | | mouth'. Other times, you'll have to be the |
| practice to a new level. This article | | | | transmitter of good |
| shares a selection of | | | | |
| | | | thoughts and feelings. Pick up those |
| habits and attitudes that can transform a | | | | 'gems', those positive |
| good conflict resolver | | | | |
| | | | messages that flow when employees feel safe |
| into a highly effective one. By that I mean | | | | and heard in |
| someone who | | | | |
| | | | mediation, and present them to the other |
| facilitates productive, meaningful | | | | employee. Your |
| discussion between others | | | | |
| | | | progress will improve.We're all human. You |
| that results in deeper self-awareness, | | | | know how easy it is to hold a grudge, or |
| mutual understanding and | | | | |
| | | | assign blame. Sharing gems appropriately |
| workable solutions.I have used the term | | | | can help each employee |
| 'conflict resolver' intentionally to | | | | |
| | | | begin to shift their perceptions of the |
| reienforce the idea that human resource | | | | situation, and more |
| professionals and | | | | |
| | | | importantly, of each other. To deliver |
| managers are instrumental in ending | | | | polished gems, try to:- Act soon after |
| disputes, regardless of | | | | hearing the gem- Paraphrase accurately so the |
| | | | words aren't distorted- Ask the listener if |
| whether they are also mediators. These | | | | this is new information and if changes her |
| conflict management | | | | stance- Avoid expecting the employees to |
| | | | visibly demonstrate a 'shift in stance' (it |
| techniques are life skills that are useful | | | | happens internally and on their timetable, |
| in whatever setting | | | | not ours)4. RECOGNIZE POWERPower is a |
| | | | dominant factor in mediation that raises many |
| you find yourself. With these skills, you | | | | |
| can create | | | | |
| | | | questions: What is it? Who has it? How to do |
| environments that are respectful, | | | | you balance power? |
| collaborative and conducive to | | | | |
| | | | Assumptions about who is the 'powerful one' |
| problem-solving. And, you'll teach your | | | | are easy to make and |
| employees to be | | | | |
| | | | sometimes wrong. Skillful conflict |
| proactive, by modeling successful conflict | | | | resolvers recognize power |
| management behaviors.1. UNDERSTAND THE | | | | |
| EMPLOYEE'S NEEDSSince you're the 'go to | | | | dynamics in conflicts and are mindful about |
| person' in your organization, it's | | | | how to authentically |
| | | | |
| natural for you to jump right in to handle | | | | manage them. You can recognize power by |
| conflict. When an | | | | being aware that:- Power is fluid and |
| | | | exchangeable- Employees possess power over |
| employee visits you to discuss a personality | | | | the content and their process (think of |
| conflict, you | | | | employees concerns as the water flowing into |
| | | | and being held by the container)- Resolvers |
| assess a situation, determine the next steps | | | | possess power over the mediation process |
| and proceed until | | | | (their knowledge, wisdom, experience, and |
| | | | commitment form the container)- Your roles as |
| the problem is solved. But is that | | | | an HR professional and resolver will have a |
| helpful?When you take charge, the employee is | | | | significant impact on power dynamics5. BE |
| relieved of his or her | | | | OPTIMISTIC & RESILIENTAgreeing to participate |
| | | | in mediation is an act of courage and |
| responsibility to find a solution. That | | | | |
| leaves you to do the | | | | hope. By participating, employees are |
| | | | conveying their belief in |
| work around finding alternatives. And while | | | | |
| you want to do | | | | value of the relationship. They are also |
| | | | expressing their trust |
| what's best for this person (and the | | | | |
| organization), it's | | | | in you to be responsive to and supportive of |
| | | | our efforts. |
| important to ask what the employee wants | | | | |
| first-- whether it's to | | | | Employees may first communicate their anger, |
| | | | frustration, |
| vent, brainstorm solutions or get some | | | | |
| coaching. Understand | | | | suffering, righteousness, regret, not their |
| | | | best hopes. You can |
| what the person entering your door wants by | | | | |
| asking questions:- How can I be most helpful | | | | inspire them to continue by being |
| to you?- What are you hoping I will do?- What | | | | optimistic:- Be positive about your |
| do you see my role as in this | | | | experiences with mediation - Hold their |
| matter?2. ENGAGE IN COLLABORATIVE LISTENINGBy | | | | |
| now everyone has taken at least one active | | | | best wishes and hopes for the future |
| listening course | | | | - Encourage them to work |
| | | | |
| so I won't address the basic skills. | | | | towards their hopesBe Resilient. Remember |
| Collaborative Listening | | | | the last time you were stuck in a |
| | | | |
| takes those attending and discerning skills | | | | conflict? You probably replayed the |
| one step further. | | | | conversation in your mind |
| | | | |
| It recognizes that in listening each person | | | | over and over, thinking about different |
| has a job that | | | | endings and scolding |
| | | | |
| supports the work of the other. The | | | | yourself. Employees get stuck, too. In |
| speaker's job is to clearly | | | | fact, employees can |
| | | | |
| express his or her thoughts, feelings and | | | | become so worn down and apathetic about |
| goals. The listener's | | | | their conflict, |
| | | | |
| job is facilitating clarity; understanding | | | | especially a long-standing dispute; they'd |
| and make the employee | | | | do anything to end it.Yes, even agree with |
| | | | each other prematurely. Don't let them |
| feel heard.So what's the difference? The | | | | |
| distinction is acknowledgement. | | | | settle. Mediation is about each employee |
| | | | getting their interest |
| Your role is to help the employee gain a | | | | |
| deeper understanding of | | | | met. Be resilient:- Be prepared to move |
| | | | yourself and the employees though |
| her own interests and needs; to define | | | | |
| concepts and words in a | | | | productive and less productive cycles of the |
| | | | mediation- Help the employees see their |
| way that expresses her values (i.e. respect | | | | movement and progress- Be mindful and |
| means something | | | | appreciative of the hard work you all are |
| | | | doingHopefully, you've discovered that these |
| different to each one of us); and to make | | | | are your own habits in |
| her feel | | | | |
| | | | one form or another and that your |
| acknowledged-someone sees things from her | | | | organization is benefiting |
| point of view.Making an acknowledgement is | | | | |
| tricky in corporate settings. | | | | from your knowledge. You can learn more |
| | | | about workplace |
| Understandably, you want to help the | | | | |
| employee but are mindful ofthe issues of | | | | mediation and mediation in general from |
| corporate liability. You can acknowledge the | | | | these books and websites:The Power of |
| | | | Mediation Bringing Peace into the Room |
| | | | Difficult |
| employee even while safeguarding your | | | | |
| company.Simply put, acknowledgement does not | | | | Conversation: How to Say What Matters Most |
| mean agreement. It means | | | | |
| | | | (The New England Association of Conflict |
| letting the employee know that you can see | | | | Resolvers) |
| how he got to his | | | | |
| | | | (mediation portal site) |
| truth. It doesn't mean taking sides with | | | | |
| the employee or | | | | (conflict management toolkit)"Mediation is |
| | | | based on a belief in the fundamental honesty |
| abandoning your corporate responsibilities. | | | | of |
| Acknowledgement can | | | | |
| | | | human beings. Which is another way of saying |
| be the bridge across misperceptions. Engage | | | | we all want to be |
| in Collaborative | | | | |
| | | | treated justly - that is according to our |
| Listening by:- Help the employee to explore | | | | unique situation and |
| and be clear about his interests | | | | |
| | | | viewpoint on the world. And we cannot expect |
| and goals- Acknowledge her perspectiveo I | | | | to be treated |
| can see how you might see it that way.o That | | | | |
| must be difficult for you.o I understand that | | | | justly if we do not honestly reveal |
| you feel _______ about this.- Ask questions | | | | ourselves." ~ the Honourable |
| that probe for deeper understanding on both | | | | |
| your | | | | Neville Chamberlain, British Prime Minister |
| | | | 1937Dina Beach Lynch, Esq., CEO of |
| parts:o When you said x, what did you mean | | | | WorkWellTogether.com, is a mediator, trainer |
| by that?o If y happens, what's significant | | | | and coach. Get advice and support using the |
| about that for you?o What am I missing in | | | | Five Habits at her teleseminar on 10/26/04. |
| understanding this from your | | | | For more information and register, visit |
| perspective?3. BE A GOOD TRANSMITTERMessages | | | | WorkWellTogether. |
| transmitted from one person to the next are | | | | |