| I was first exposed to the concept of personality | | | | People with personality disorders also appear more |
| disorders in 1980 when I was in training as a therapist | | | | likely to make false statements. Because of the |
| at the San Diego Child Guidance Clinic at Childrens | | | | thought process of a personality disorder, the person |
| Hospital. The DSM-III had just come out and Axis II of | | | | experiences interpersonal rejection or confrontation |
| the five diagnostic categories required the therapist to | | | | much more deeply than most people. Therefore the |
| diagnose the presence or absence of a personality | | | | person has great difficulty healing and may remain |
| disorder. (The current DSM-IV uses the same | | | | stuck in the denial stage, the depression stage, or the |
| approach.) I quickly learned (often the hard way) that | | | | anger stage of grief -- avoiding acceptance by trying |
| the presenting problems on Axis I (e.g. depression, | | | | to change or control the other person. |
| substance abuse) were simply replaced by new ones, | | | | Lying may be justified in their eyes -- possibly to bring |
| if an underlying personality disorder was not addressed | | | | a reconciliation. (This can be quite convoluted, like the |
| in therapy. | | | | former wife who alleged child sexual abuse so that |
| Now that I have completed several years as a family | | | | her ex-husband's new wife would divorce him and he |
| law attorney, I have frequently witnessed the same | | | | would return to her -- or so she seemed to believe.) |
| underlying issues in hotly contested family court | | | | Or lying may be justified as a punishment in their eyes. |
| litigation -- yet these remain undiagnosed and, | | | | Just as we have seen that an angry spouse may kill |
| therefore, misunderstood. As those with personality | | | | the other spouse, it is not surprising that many angry |
| disorders generally view relationships from a rigid and | | | | spouses lie under oath. There is rarely any |
| adversarial perspective, it is inevitable that a large | | | | consequence for this, as family court judges often |
| number end up in the adversarial process of court. | | | | believe the truth cannot be known -- or that both are |
| Since more flexible and cost-conscious people | | | | lying. |
| nowadays are resolving their divorces in mediation, | | | | Projection |
| attorney-assisted negotiation, or just by themselves, | | | | Just as an active alcoholic or addict blames others for |
| those cases remaining in litigation may be increasingly | | | | their substance abuse, those with personality disorders |
| driven by personality disorders. | | | | are often preoccupied with other people's behavior |
| The Nature of a Personality Disorder | | | | while avoiding any examination of their own behavior. |
| Someone with a personality disorder is usually a | | | | Just as a movie projector throws a large image on a |
| person experiencing chronic inner distress (for example | | | | screen from a hidden booth, those with personality |
| fear of abandonment), which causes self-sabotaging | | | | disorders project their internal conflicts onto their daily |
| behavior (such as seeking others who fear | | | | interactions -- usually without knowing it. All the world is |
| abandonment), which causes significant problems (such | | | | a stage -- including court. |
| as rage at any perceived hint of abandonment) -- in | | | | It is not uncommon in family court declarations for one |
| their work lives and/or their personal lives. They may | | | | with a personality disorder to claim the other party has |
| function quite well in one setting, but experience chaos | | | | characteristics which are really their own ("he's |
| and repeated problems in others. They look no | | | | manipulative and falsely charming" or "she's hiding |
| different from anyone else, and often present as very | | | | information and delaying the process"), and do not fit |
| attractive and intelligent people. However, it is usually | | | | the other party. Spousal abusers claim the other is |
| after you spend some time together -- or observe | | | | being abusive. Liars claim the other is lying. (One man |
| them in a crisis -- that the underlying distress reaches | | | | who knew he was diagnosed with a Narcissistic |
| the surface. | | | | Personality Disorder claimed his wife also had an NPD |
| As interpersonal distress, fear of abandonment, and an | | | | simply because she liked to shop.) |
| excessive need for control are predominant | | | | How Family Court Fits Personality Disorders |
| symptoms of personality disorders, they place a | | | | Family Court is perfectly suited to the fantasies of |
| tremendous burden on a marriage. Therefore, intense | | | | someone with a personality disorder: There is an |
| conflicts will eventually arise in their marriages and the | | | | all-powerful person (the judge) who will punish or |
| divorce process will also be a very conflictual process. | | | | control the other spouse. The focus of the court |
| In contrast to people who are simply distressed from | | | | process is perceived as fixing blame -- and many with |
| going through a divorce (over 80% are recovering | | | | personality disorders are experts at blame. There is a |
| significantly after 2 years), people with personality | | | | professional ally who will champion their cause (their |
| disorders grew up very distressed. It is the long | | | | attorney -- or if no attorney, the judge). A case is |
| duration of their dysfunction (since adolescence or | | | | properly prepared by gathering statements from allies |
| early adulthood) which meets the criteria of a | | | | -- family, friends, and professionals. (Seeking to gain the |
| personality disorder. | | | | allegiance of the children is automatic -- they too are |
| Usually they developed their personality style as a | | | | seen as either allies or enemies. A simple admonition |
| way of coping with childhood abuse, neglect or | | | | will not stop this.) Generally, those with personality |
| abandonment, an emotionally lacking household, or | | | | disorders are highly skilled at -- and invested in -- the |
| simply their biological predisposition. While this | | | | adversarial process. |
| personality style may have been an effective | | | | Those with personality disorders often have an |
| adaptation in their "family of origin," in adulthood it is | | | | intensity that convinces inexperienced professionals -- |
| counter-productive. The person remains stuck | | | | counselors and attorneys -- that what they say is true. |
| repeating a narrow range of interpersonal behaviors to | | | | Their charm, desperation, and drive can reach a high |
| attempt to avoid this distress. | | | | level in this very emotional, bonding process with the |
| A personality disorder does not usually go away | | | | professional. Yet this intensity is a characteristic of a |
| except in a corrective on-going relationship -- such as | | | | personality disorder, and is completely independent |
| several years in a counseling relationship. Until then, the | | | | from the accuracy of their claims. |
| person may constantly seek a corrective experience | | | | What Can Be Done |
| through a series of unsatisfying relationships, through | | | | Judges, attorneys, and family court counselors need to |
| their children, or through the court process. In a sense, | | | | be trained in identifying personality disorders and how |
| untreated personality disorders don't fade away -- | | | | to treat them. Mostly, a corrective on-going relationship |
| they just change venue. | | | | is needed -- preferably with a counselor. However, |
| Personality Disorders Appearing in Family Court | | | | they usually must be ordered into this because their |
| Probably the most prevalent personality disorder in | | | | belief systems include a life-time of denial and |
| family court is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) -- | | | | avoidance of self-reflection. |
| more commonly seen in women. BPD may be | | | | Some courts may order up to one year of counseling |
| characterized by wide mood swings, intense anger | | | | for parents, if: "(1) The dispute between the parents or |
| even at benign events, idealization (such as of their | | | | between a parent and the child poses a substantial |
| spouse -- or attorney) followed by devaluation (such | | | | danger to the best interest of the child. [or] (2)The |
| as of their spouse -- or attorney). | | | | counseling is in the best interest of the child." Even |
| Also common is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) | | | | short-term counseling can help. |
| -- more often seen in men. There is a great | | | | Therapists, in addition to being supportive, need to help |
| preoccupation with the self to the exclusion of others. | | | | clients challenge their own thinking: about their own role |
| This may be the vulnerable type, which can appear | | | | in the dispute; about the accuracy of their view of the |
| similar to BPD, causing distorted perceptions of | | | | other party; and about their high expectations of the |
| victimization followed by intense anger (such as in | | | | court. Further, therapists should never form clinical |
| domestic violence or murder, for example the San | | | | opinions or write declarations about parties they |
| Diego case of Betty Broderick). Or this can be the | | | | haven't interviewed. |
| invulnerable type, who is detached, believes he is very | | | | Likewise, attorneys need to also challenge their clients' |
| superior and feels automatically entitled to special | | | | thinking and not accept their declarations at face value. |
| treatment. | | | | More time should be spent educating them to focus on |
| Histrionic Personality Disorder also appears in family | | | | negotiating solutions, rather than escalating blame. The |
| court, and may have similarities to BPD but with less | | | | court should make greater use of sanctions under |
| anger and more chaos. Anti-social Personality Disorder | | | | Family Code Section 271 for parties and attorneys |
| includes an extreme disregard for the rules of society | | | | who refuse to negotiate and unnecessarily escalate |
| and very little empathy. (A large part of the prison | | | | the conflict and costs of litigation. |
| population may have Anti-social Personality Disorder.) | | | | The court must realize that the parties are often not |
| Dependent Personality Disorder is common, but usually | | | | equally at fault. One or both parties may have a |
| is preoccupied with helplessness and passivity, and is | | | | personality disorder, but that does not necessarily |
| rarely the aggressor in court -- but often marries a | | | | mean both are offenders (violent, manipulative, or lying). |
| more aggressive spouse, sometimes with a personality | | | | A non-offending, dependent spouse may truly need |
| disorder. | | | | the court's assistance in dealing with the offender. The |
| Cognitive Distortions and False Statement | | | | court should not be neutralized by mutual allegations |
| Because of their history of distress, those with | | | | without looking deeper. Otherwise, because of their |
| personality disorders perceive the world as a much | | | | personality style, the most offending party is often able |
| more threatening place than most people do. | | | | to continue their offender behavior -- either by |
| Therefore, their perceptions of other people's behavior | | | | matching the other's true allegations for a neutral |
| is often distorted -- and in some cases delusional. Their | | | | outcome, or by being the most skilled at briefly looking |
| world view is generally adversarial, so they often see | | | | good and thereby receiving the court's endorsement. |
| all people as either allies or enemies in it. Their thinking | | | | The court is in a unique position to motivate needed |
| is often dominated by cognitive distortions, such as: | | | | change in personal behavior. In highly contested cases, |
| all-or-nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, | | | | counseling or consequences should be ordered. |
| personalization of benign events, minimization of the | | | | Professionals and parties must work together to fully |
| positive and maximization of the negative. They may | | | | diagnose and treat each person's underlying problems, |
| form very inaccurate beliefs about the other person, | | | | rather than allowing the parties (and their advocates) |
| but cling rigidly to those beliefs when they are | | | | to become absorbed in an endless adversarial |
| challenged -- because being challenged is usually | | | | process. Because their largest issues are internal, they |
| perceived as a threat. | | | | will never be resolved in court. |