| I was first exposed to the concept of | | | | more likely to make false statements. Because |
| personality disorders in 1980 when I was in | | | | of the thought process of a personality |
| training as a therapist at the San Diego | | | | disorder, the person experiences |
| Child Guidance Clinic at Childrens Hospital. | | | | interpersonal rejection or confrontation much |
| The DSM-III had just come out and Axis II of | | | | more deeply than most people. Therefore the |
| the five diagnostic categories required the | | | | person has great difficulty healing and may |
| therapist to diagnose the presence or absence | | | | remain stuck in the denial stage, the |
| of a personality disorder. (The current | | | | depression stage, or the anger stage of grief |
| DSM-IV uses the same approach.) I quickly | | | | -- avoiding acceptance by trying to change or |
| learned (often the hard way) that the | | | | control the other person. |
| presenting problems on Axis I (e.g. | | | | |
| depression, substance abuse) were simply | | | | Lying may be justified in their eyes -- |
| replaced by new ones, if an underlying | | | | possibly to bring a reconciliation. (This can |
| personality disorder was not addressed in | | | | be quite convoluted, like the former wife who |
| therapy. | | | | alleged child sexual abuse so that her |
| | | | ex-husband's new wife would divorce him and |
| Now that I have completed several years as a | | | | he would return to her -- or so she seemed to |
| family law attorney, I have frequently | | | | believe.) Or lying may be justified as a |
| witnessed the same underlying issues in hotly | | | | punishment in their eyes. Just as we have |
| contested family court litigation -- yet | | | | seen that an angry spouse may kill the other |
| these remain undiagnosed and, therefore, | | | | spouse, it is not surprising that many angry |
| misunderstood. As those with personality | | | | spouses lie under oath. There is rarely any |
| disorders generally view relationships from a | | | | consequence for this, as family court judges |
| rigid and adversarial perspective, it is | | | | often believe the truth cannot be known -- or |
| inevitable that a large number end up in the | | | | that both are lying. |
| adversarial process of court. Since more | | | | |
| flexible and cost-conscious people nowadays | | | | Projection |
| are resolving their divorces in mediation, | | | | |
| attorney-assisted negotiation, or just by | | | | Just as an active alcoholic or addict blames |
| themselves, those cases remaining in | | | | others for their substance abuse, those with |
| litigation may be increasingly driven by | | | | personality disorders are often preoccupied |
| personality disorders. | | | | with other people's behavior while avoiding |
| | | | any examination of their own behavior. Just |
| The Nature of a Personality Disorder | | | | as a movie projector throws a large image on |
| | | | a screen from a hidden booth, those with |
| Someone with a personality disorder is | | | | personality disorders project their internal |
| usually a person experiencing chronic inner | | | | conflicts onto their daily interactions -- |
| distress (for example fear of abandonment), | | | | usually without knowing it. All the world is |
| which causes self-sabotaging behavior (such | | | | a stage -- including court. |
| as seeking others who fear abandonment), | | | | |
| which causes significant problems (such as | | | | It is not uncommon in family court |
| rage at any perceived hint of abandonment) -- | | | | declarations for one with a personality |
| in their work lives and/or their personal | | | | disorder to claim the other party has |
| lives. They may function quite well in one | | | | characteristics which are really their own |
| setting, but experience chaos and repeated | | | | ("he's manipulative and falsely charming" or |
| problems in others. They look no different | | | | "she's hiding information and delaying the |
| from anyone else, and often present as very | | | | process"), and do not fit the other party. |
| attractive and intelligent people. However, | | | | Spousal abusers claim the other is being |
| it is usually after you spend some time | | | | abusive. Liars claim the other is lying. (One |
| together -- or observe them in a crisis -- | | | | man who knew he was diagnosed with a |
| that the underlying distress reaches the | | | | Narcissistic Personality Disorder claimed his |
| surface. | | | | wife also had an NPD simply because she liked |
| | | | to shop.) |
| As interpersonal distress, fear of | | | | |
| abandonment, and an excessive need for | | | | How Family Court Fits Personality Disorders |
| control are predominant symptoms of | | | | |
| personality disorders, they place a | | | | Family Court is perfectly suited to the |
| tremendous burden on a marriage. Therefore, | | | | fantasies of someone with a personality |
| intense conflicts will eventually arise in | | | | disorder: There is an all-powerful person |
| their marriages and the divorce process will | | | | (the judge) who will punish or control the |
| also be a very conflictual process. In | | | | other spouse. The focus of the court process |
| contrast to people who are simply distressed | | | | is perceived as fixing blame -- and many with |
| from going through a divorce (over 80% are | | | | personality disorders are experts at blame. |
| recovering significantly after 2 years), | | | | There is a professional ally who will |
| people with personality disorders grew up | | | | champion their cause (their attorney -- or if |
| very distressed. It is the long duration of | | | | no attorney, the judge). A case is properly |
| their dysfunction (since adolescence or early | | | | prepared by gathering statements from allies |
| adulthood) which meets the criteria of a | | | | -- family, friends, and professionals. |
| personality disorder. | | | | (Seeking to gain the allegiance of the |
| | | | children is automatic -- they too are seen as |
| Usually they developed their personality | | | | either allies or enemies. A simple admonition |
| style as a way of coping with childhood | | | | will not stop this.) Generally, those with |
| abuse, neglect or abandonment, an emotionally | | | | personality disorders are highly skilled at |
| lacking household, or simply their biological | | | | -- and invested in -- the adversarial |
| predisposition. While this personality style | | | | process. |
| may have been an effective adaptation in | | | | |
| their "family of origin," in adulthood it is | | | | Those with personality disorders often have |
| counter-productive. The person remains stuck | | | | an intensity that convinces inexperienced |
| repeating a narrow range of interpersonal | | | | professionals -- counselors and attorneys -- |
| behaviors to attempt to avoid this distress. | | | | that what they say is true. Their charm, |
| | | | desperation, and drive can reach a high level |
| A personality disorder does not usually go | | | | in this very emotional, bonding process with |
| away except in a corrective on-going | | | | the professional. Yet this intensity is a |
| relationship -- such as several years in a | | | | characteristic of a personality disorder, and |
| counseling relationship. Until then, the | | | | is completely independent from the accuracy |
| person may constantly seek a corrective | | | | of their claims. |
| experience through a series of unsatisfying | | | | |
| relationships, through their children, or | | | | What Can Be Done |
| through the court process. In a sense, | | | | |
| untreated personality disorders don't fade | | | | Judges, attorneys, and family court |
| away -- they just change venue. | | | | counselors need to be trained in identifying |
| | | | personality disorders and how to treat them. |
| Personality Disorders Appearing in Family | | | | Mostly, a corrective on-going relationship is |
| Court | | | | needed -- preferably with a counselor. |
| | | | However, they usually must be ordered into |
| Probably the most prevalent personality | | | | this because their belief systems include a |
| disorder in family court is Borderline | | | | life-time of denial and avoidance of |
| Personality Disorder (BPD) -- more commonly | | | | self-reflection. |
| seen in women. BPD may be characterized by | | | | |
| wide mood swings, intense anger even at | | | | Some courts may order up to one year of |
| benign events, idealization (such as of their | | | | counseling for parents, if: "(1) The dispute |
| spouse -- or attorney) followed by | | | | between the parents or between a parent and |
| devaluation (such as of their spouse -- or | | | | the child poses a substantial danger to the |
| attorney). | | | | best interest of the child. [or] (2)The |
| | | | counseling is in the best interest of the |
| Also common is Narcissistic Personality | | | | child." Even short-term counseling can help. |
| Disorder (NPD) -- more often seen in men. | | | | |
| There is a great preoccupation with the self | | | | Therapists, in addition to being supportive, |
| to the exclusion of others. This may be the | | | | need to help clients challenge their own |
| vulnerable type, which can appear similar to | | | | thinking: about their own role in the |
| BPD, causing distorted perceptions of | | | | dispute; about the accuracy of their view of |
| victimization followed by intense anger (such | | | | the other party; and about their high |
| as in domestic violence or murder, for | | | | expectations of the court. Further, |
| example the San Diego case of Betty | | | | therapists should never form clinical |
| Broderick). Or this can be the invulnerable | | | | opinions or write declarations about parties |
| type, who is detached, believes he is very | | | | they haven't interviewed. |
| superior and feels automatically entitled to | | | | |
| special treatment. | | | | Likewise, attorneys need to also challenge |
| | | | their clients' thinking and not accept their |
| Histrionic Personality Disorder also appears | | | | declarations at face value. More time should |
| in family court, and may have similarities to | | | | be spent educating them to focus on |
| BPD but with less anger and more chaos. | | | | negotiating solutions, rather than escalating |
| Anti-social Personality Disorder includes an | | | | blame. The court should make greater use of |
| extreme disregard for the rules of society | | | | sanctions under Family Code Section 271 for |
| and very little empathy. (A large part of the | | | | parties and attorneys who refuse to negotiate |
| prison population may have Anti-social | | | | and unnecessarily escalate the conflict and |
| Personality Disorder.) | | | | costs of litigation. |
| | | | |
| Dependent Personality Disorder is common, but | | | | The court must realize that the parties are |
| usually is preoccupied with helplessness and | | | | often not equally at fault. One or both |
| passivity, and is rarely the aggressor in | | | | parties may have a personality disorder, but |
| court -- but often marries a more aggressive | | | | that does not necessarily mean both are |
| spouse, sometimes with a personality | | | | offenders (violent, manipulative, or lying). |
| disorder. | | | | A non-offending, dependent spouse may truly |
| | | | need the court's assistance in dealing with |
| Cognitive Distortions and False Statement | | | | the offender. The court should not be |
| | | | neutralized by mutual allegations without |
| Because of their history of distress, those | | | | looking deeper. Otherwise, because of their |
| with personality disorders perceive the world | | | | personality style, the most offending party |
| as a much more threatening place than most | | | | is often able to continue their offender |
| people do. Therefore, their perceptions of | | | | behavior -- either by matching the other's |
| other people's behavior is often distorted -- | | | | true allegations for a neutral outcome, or by |
| and in some cases delusional. Their world | | | | being the most skilled at briefly looking |
| view is generally adversarial, so they often | | | | good and thereby receiving the court's |
| see all people as either allies or enemies in | | | | endorsement. |
| it. Their thinking is often dominated by | | | | |
| cognitive distortions, such as: | | | | The court is in a unique position to motivate |
| all-or-nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, | | | | needed change in personal behavior. In highly |
| personalization of benign events, | | | | contested cases, counseling or consequences |
| minimization of the positive and maximization | | | | should be ordered. Professionals and parties |
| of the negative. They may form very | | | | must work together to fully diagnose and |
| inaccurate beliefs about the other person, | | | | treat each person's underlying problems, |
| but cling rigidly to those beliefs when they | | | | rather than allowing the parties (and their |
| are challenged -- because being challenged is | | | | advocates) to become absorbed in an endless |
| usually perceived as a threat. | | | | adversarial process. Because their largest |
| | | | issues are internal, they will never be |
| People with personality disorders also appear | | | | resolved in court. |