| An ex special education teacher/divorce | | | | starting the divorce process. So there is |
| attorney reminds parents where the focus | | | | some uncertainty in non community property |
| should be when they face a divorce. | | | | states but an experienced lawyer/mediator |
| | | | generally knows what the court will do in |
| What is in the child's best interest should | | | | most situations and can be a valuable guide |
| always be a parent's top priority especially | | | | to couples who are unfamiliar with the laws. |
| when considering divorce. The first thing you | | | | The 4th thing to keep in mind is that there |
| should know is our adversarial legal system | | | | is no point in fighting over property |
| is not child focused or family friendly. The | | | | division. You can protect your co-parenting |
| emotional and financial price you pay when | | | | relationship and end up with more property if |
| you each hire separate divorce lawyers is | | | | you divide everything the way a neutral 3rd |
| higher than you can now imagine. Remember | | | | party (mediator) suggests. |
| when you had your child or children, your | | | | |
| life changed from being focused on yourself | | | | Child custody and visitation issues can be |
| to having them be your first priority. | | | | the most contentious and emotional issues In |
| | | | litigated divorce cases,. If the parents can |
| Before I became a divorce attorney I was a | | | | agree to a custody arrangement, which they |
| special education teacher. My Masters is in | | | | eventually do in 90% of custody cases, they |
| Special Education, focusing on teaching | | | | can avoid court altogether. If a couple can |
| severely emotionally disturbed children, so I | | | | just agree on custody and visitation issues, |
| came to the law with a powerful bias to act | | | | why would they set a case for trail and go |
| only in the best interest of the children. | | | | through a nasty litigated case? Only 10% of |
| The 2nd important fact to know is how | | | | custody cases are litigated. Instead of |
| comfortable so many divorce lawyers are in | | | | going to court a couple could always seek the |
| spending their client's college fund instead | | | | services of a child therapist to advise them |
| of quickly and economically helping the | | | | on contested issues. The courts typically |
| couple to negotiate a fair deal. After 8 | | | | apply a "best interest of the child" standard |
| years of litigation and witnessing the total | | | | in determining who should get primary |
| financial and emotional devastation of too | | | | custody. Wouldn't the parents themselves be |
| many families I vowed to no longer take | | | | in the best position to decide how their |
| adversarial divorces and to do only divorce | | | | children should be raised? When a couple |
| mediation. In the following 3 years, after | | | | works together in mediation they are in |
| working with over 150 couples with 100% | | | | control of the final outcome, not lawyers or |
| success rate, I am convinced that divorce | | | | judges. When the couple has an intention to |
| mediation should be the solution of first | | | | effectively co-parent by always keeping the |
| resort for 85% of the couples who are | | | | best interest of the child foremost in their |
| contemplating divorce. So the 3rd thing you | | | | mind, they will produce a much more |
| need to know is there is an alternative to | | | | satisfying outcome than if a solution is |
| divorce court, mediation. | | | | imposed upon them from above. Child custody |
| | | | issues are the most inappropriate issues to |
| It is easier to deal with a situation when | | | | be decided within an adversarial system. The |
| basic information is already known. There are | | | | win/lose game that is played in court always |
| 8 community property states (Arizona, | | | | results in tension between the parents. Not |
| California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New | | | | only will this tension negatively affect the |
| Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin) | | | | health and happiness of the parents but the |
| which clearly define how to divide community | | | | children will be caught in the middle of a |
| property. What ever was totally owned prior | | | | battle, ducking verbal and emotional bullets |
| to marriage or received by gift or | | | | as they fly over their heads. The adversarial |
| inheritance is separate property that goes to | | | | system does not protect the co-parenting |
| the spouse who owns it. If it was partially | | | | relationship of parents and should be avoided |
| paid for using wages or income earned during | | | | if at all possible. An emotionally vulnerable |
| the marriage, the "community" gains an | | | | client in the hands of a "zealous advocate" |
| interest in it that can be calculated. | | | | who is more concerned with enriching |
| Division of property in community property | | | | themselves than in helping their client is a |
| states is one of the easiest issues to deal | | | | dangerous combination. The last thing to keep |
| with because it is so clear cut. But what | | | | in mind is that avoiding divorce attorneys |
| about the other 42 states? These states use | | | | and court should be the #1 priority if you |
| an equitable distribution system to divide | | | | want to protect your health, spirit, |
| marital property. Each state has its own | | | | co-parenting relationship and pocketbook. |
| rules that can be ascertained prior to | | | | |