| An ex special education teacher/divorce attorney | | | | prior to starting the divorce process. So there is some |
| reminds parents where the focus should be when | | | | uncertainty in non community property states but an |
| they face a divorce. | | | | experienced lawyer/mediator generally knows what |
| What is in the child's best interest should always be a | | | | the court will do in most situations and can be a |
| parent's top priority especially when considering | | | | valuable guide to couples who are unfamiliar with the |
| divorce. The first thing you should know is our | | | | laws. The 4th thing to keep in mind is that there is no |
| adversarial legal system is not child focused or family | | | | point in fighting over property division. You can protect |
| friendly. The emotional and financial price you pay | | | | your co-parenting relationship and end up with more |
| when you each hire separate divorce lawyers is higher | | | | property if you divide everything the way a neutral 3rd |
| than you can now imagine. Remember when you had | | | | party (mediator) suggests. |
| your child or children, your life changed from being | | | | Child custody and visitation issues can be the most |
| focused on yourself to having them be your first | | | | contentious and emotional issues In litigated divorce |
| priority. | | | | cases,. If the parents can agree to a custody |
| Before I became a divorce attorney I was a special | | | | arrangement, which they eventually do in 90% of |
| education teacher. My Masters is in Special Education, | | | | custody cases, they can avoid court altogether. If a |
| focusing on teaching severely emotionally disturbed | | | | couple can just agree on custody and visitation issues, |
| children, so I came to the law with a powerful bias to | | | | why would they set a case for trail and go through a |
| act only in the best interest of the children. The 2nd | | | | nasty litigated case? Only 10% of custody cases are |
| important fact to know is how comfortable so many | | | | litigated. Instead of going to court a couple could |
| divorce lawyers are in spending their client's college | | | | always seek the services of a child therapist to advise |
| fund instead of quickly and economically helping the | | | | them on contested issues. The courts typically apply a |
| couple to negotiate a fair deal. After 8 years of | | | | "best interest of the child" standard in determining who |
| litigation and witnessing the total financial and emotional | | | | should get primary custody. Wouldn't the parents |
| devastation of too many families I vowed to no longer | | | | themselves be in the best position to decide how their |
| take adversarial divorces and to do only divorce | | | | children should be raised? When a couple works |
| mediation. In the following 3 years, after working with | | | | together in mediation they are in control of the final |
| over 150 couples with 100% success rate, I am | | | | outcome, not lawyers or judges. When the couple has |
| convinced that divorce mediation should be the solution | | | | an intention to effectively co-parent by always keeping |
| of first resort for 85% of the couples who are | | | | the best interest of the child foremost in their mind, |
| contemplating divorce. So the 3rd thing you need to | | | | they will produce a much more satisfying outcome |
| know is there is an alternative to divorce court, | | | | than if a solution is imposed upon them from above. |
| mediation. | | | | Child custody issues are the most inappropriate issues |
| It is easier to deal with a situation when basic | | | | to be decided within an adversarial system. The win |
| information is already known. There are 8 community | | | | lose game that is played in court always results in |
| property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, | | | | tension between the parents. Not only will this tension |
| Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and | | | | negatively affect the health and happiness of the |
| Wisconsin) which clearly define how to divide | | | | parents but the children will be caught in the middle of |
| community property. What ever was totally owned | | | | a battle, ducking verbal and emotional bullets as they |
| prior to marriage or received by gift or inheritance is | | | | fly over their heads. The adversarial system does not |
| separate property that goes to the spouse who owns | | | | protect the co-parenting relationship of parents and |
| it. If it was partially paid for using wages or income | | | | should be avoided if at all possible. An emotionally |
| earned during the marriage, the "community" gains an | | | | vulnerable client in the hands of a "zealous advocate" |
| interest in it that can be calculated. Division of property | | | | who is more concerned with enriching themselves than |
| in community property states is one of the easiest | | | | in helping their client is a dangerous combination. The |
| issues to deal with because it is so clear cut. But what | | | | last thing to keep in mind is that avoiding divorce |
| about the other 42 states? These states use an | | | | attorneys and court should be the #1 priority if you |
| equitable distribution system to divide marital property. | | | | want to protect your health, spirit, co-parenting |
| Each state has its own rules that can be ascertained | | | | relationship and pocketbook. |