| Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen | | | | of his living from divorce mediations. These are |
| If you read my blog yesterday, you would have seen | | | | conferences where couples pay their own attorneys |
| my rant about the guardian ad litem who was | | | | as well as an objective third party to decide for them |
| appointed in one of my guardianship cases. I am | | | | who gets the microwave oven or the 1998 Buick. His |
| reminded of one of those incidents that should be | | | | honor conducted a mediation in one of my cases, and |
| embarrasssing, but make you giggle so much when | | | | it was the first, and among the very few such |
| you remember it that it is hard to keep a straight face. | | | | conferences in my career. In short, I'd slept since then, |
| If grumpiness was a sign of judicial competence, this | | | | and was only reminded of his honor's participation in |
| man would be on the Supreme Court. Yesterday | | | | the incident in a later divorce case in his court. |
| morning, for instance, I had what I call a "hearing to set | | | | HH: Miss Uttermohlen, do you think mediation might help |
| a hearing" in his court. Since I live 30 miles away, and | | | | in this case?" |
| would have to hire a driver to get there, and would | | | | MU: "No sir, I don't. I hate to say it, but I've only hired a |
| only have to call my office to consult my calendar, I | | | | mediator once in my career, and it was a waste of |
| told opposing counsel I would attend the hearing by | | | | money. All the mediator did was blunder back and |
| telephone. Mr. Judge accepted my call, but he was not | | | | forth between the two rooms and tell the parties what |
| happy. "You realize, Miss Uttermohlen, that allowing you | | | | the other party wanted. We knew that much when |
| to participate by telephone goes against my long | | | | we got there, and the mediator didn't help a bit. No, sir, |
| standing rule." | | | | it truly was a waste of time, money and breath." |
| I wanted to tell him that I have a few long standing | | | | No mediator was appointed in that particular case. I |
| rules of my own. One of them is that you don't hire a | | | | rose and left the courtroom, and my client admired me |
| driver, buy gas and stand in line for a half hour in court | | | | for my bravery, and the fact that I had probably saved |
| to ask that a hearing be set. The civilized way to | | | | him $1000.00. I preened myself in the glow of his |
| accomplish this evil is to file a motion and have the | | | | admiration until I remembered my first, and only |
| secretaries coordinate the times. If I were judge, I | | | | mediation, and the fact that I had just informed my first |
| would do it that way. Maybe this guy is a little | | | | mediator that his participation was worth less than a |
| challenged in the laziness department. I'd offer to give | | | | bucket of spit, and that he had acted with less |
| him lessons, but that would take too much energy. | | | | competence then a trained monkey. As I finished |
| Before his good luck in the election, Mr. Judge was one | | | | swallowing my size 10 foot in the elevator, it did occur |
| of us commoners. He has forgotten us little people in | | | | to me that the Chinese custom of foot binding might |
| his climb to fame, but I remember His Honor when he | | | | have served me well just then. |
| was a mere attorney. In fact, he used to scrape part | | | | |