| Most people think, if you want to improve your | | | | should be to Do Everything they can to Save their |
| marriage you go to marriage counseling, and you go to | | | | Marriage |
| divorce mediation if you want to get a divorce. | | | | There are certain questions each person in a |
| Ironically, most couples who see a marriage counselor | | | | threatened marriage should ask themselves: |
| end up in divorce. | | | | 1. Have I been a good or even great spouse? |
| The lack of basic understanding on the part of | | | | 2. Have I been aware of the pain my spouse feels? |
| western psychology of what marriage is, makes the | | | | 3. Do I see my spouse's point of view? |
| so-called "trained" marriage counselors rarely helpful. | | | | 4. Are my expectations of my spouse fair? Could I live |
| Western psychologists think of marriage as material | | | | up to my own expectations? |
| and psychological; they have no insight into the spiritual | | | | 5. Have I shown unconditional love and understanding? |
| foundation of marriage. In most cases all they actually | | | | In most cases the answers to the above questions |
| do when they are "successful" is put off divorce until | | | | are a sheepish "no." Our materialistic culture starts |
| the children are a little older. | | | | jamming into our minds the concept of fairness |
| On the other hand, any good mediator will tell you | | | | because in business, fairness is known to be the |
| those who seek divorce through mediation sometimes | | | | underlying doctrine of a good business deal. But in |
| find they are better off actually staying together, and | | | | marriage the idea of fairness is lethal because it is |
| they do. You see the whole idea of mediation is to | | | | against the doctrine of unconditional love. |
| break down barriers of communication and sort things | | | | If you wish to have one horrible marriage after |
| out in a way that works for everybody. So for those | | | | another, all you need to do is blame your partner for |
| who are open minded, the process used by mediators | | | | everything that is wrong in your marriage. Contrariwise, |
| becomes instructive and helps the couple learn better | | | | if you wish to have an amazing marriage, learn how to |
| communication skills, which is a big part of a healthy | | | | love unconditionally. Be your spouse's very best friend |
| marriage. | | | | even if they are not yours. When the Beatles sang, |
| A good mediator will never funnel a couple towards | | | | "The love you make is equal to the love you take," |
| divorce. From their own experience they recognize | | | | they were expressing a fundamental spiritual truth that |
| most couples are merely stuck in old habits. In most | | | | is foundational for every happy marriage. Slow down |
| cases the so-called problems in a marriage are like | | | | your mind and step out of the way of your own fears |
| dark clouds of misunderstanding blocking the sunshine | | | | and tensions. Always do what you should do, not just |
| of goodwill and love. | | | | what you want to do. |
| The Highest Priority of any Couple Considering Divorce | | | | |