| A previous article entitled: Conflict is one of Your Best | | | | Maintain a professional appearance |
| Friends, introduced the range of meanings for conflict , | | | | Rightly or wrongly, people do judge a book by its |
| why conflict is on the increase, the various types of | | | | cover. |
| conflicts, and some of the negative and positive | | | | A well-groomed, professional appearance is important: |
| aspects of conflict. | | | | good posture; a careful choice of words |
| In this article, I would like to focus on the difference | | | | (non-inflammatory words); a clear, confident voice; |
| between debate and dialogue, overt and covert | | | | good eye-to-eye contact. |
| aspects of conflict, the building blocks of trust, and your | | | | Communicate your intentions |
| immediate emotional reaction to certain words within | | | | Although no counterpart is going to tolerate repeated |
| the conflict vocabulary range. | | | | mistakes or failures, most people will give greater |
| When you communicate, you generally use a form of | | | | leeway to a person if they know the intentions are |
| debating, dialoguing or a combination of the two. | | | | good |
| What are the differences between a debate and a | | | | Do what you say you are going to do |
| dialogue? | | | | Keep your promises and honour your commitments. |
| In a Debate | | | | Go beyond the expected |
| - The atmosphere is tense and threatening | | | | Subtly help educate the other person/s as to how and |
| - Interruptions when speaking can be expected | | | | why you see the situation the way you do. |
| - All participants have their own agenda | | | | Put your cards on the table so that they can see |
| - All participants are totally committed to their point of | | | | where you are coming from. |
| view | | | | Listen |
| - There is quite a lot of heated verbal discourse | | | | Listening openly to the ideas of your counterpart, |
| - There is an atmosphere of: for me to win, you have | | | | regardless of whether you agree with her/his position, |
| to lose | | | | will provide you with a greater opportunity to build trust. |
| - Attack the opposition is the modus operandi | | | | Do not stop communicating |
| In a Dialogue | | | | When negotiations get tough, the natural tendency is to |
| - The atmosphere is more exploratory | | | | communicate less, this builds distrust. |
| - People express doubts, uncertainties, as well as their | | | | Discuss the undiscussables |
| own beliefs | | | | Many discussions, negotiations, conflicts have issues |
| - Participants listen to each other | | | | that are difficult to address such as salary and |
| - Participants gain insights about the points of view of | | | | performance; they need to come out in the open if |
| each other | | | | trust is to occur. |
| - The teamwork of dialogue moves the conversation | | | | Provide accurate information without any hidden |
| away from win/lose, either/or | | | | agenda |
| - For the duration of the dialogue, opponents become | | | | To build a win/win relationship, each party has to have |
| allies, working together to break new ground and | | | | enough information to make good decisions that meet |
| come to as resolution | | | | the goals and desired outcomes of each person. |
| Early recognition of conflict brewing is important, and at | | | | It is also a good idea to give your counterparts |
| the same time difficult, as in the beginning many of the | | | | information on both sides of the issue as you see it, |
| indicators are covert, usually hidden. | | | | not just on the side you prefer them to hear. |
| Covert Indicators | | | | Be honest, even if it may cost you something |
| - Tolerating circumstances | | | | If your counterpart has made a mistake which is in |
| - Apathy towards work | | | | your favour, point that out; it will most likely surface |
| - Active rumour-mills | | | | eventually. Better you are seen as having scruples. |
| - Gossiping | | | | Conversely, if you make a mistake, admit it. It seems |
| - Subversive non-cooperation | | | | to be a modern malaise that people will blame others, |
| - Petty-thieving, property or of time spent not working | | | | rather than taking personal responsibility. |
| - Conscious sabotaging of work or projects | | | | Be patient |
| - Winging, whining, nagging | | | | Your preferred method of communicating may be |
| - Low-voice, secretive complaining | | | | visual, and the person you are interacting with may |
| Overt Indicators | | | | have a preferred kinesthetic communication process, |
| - Outspoken complaining | | | | which means they prefer a slower pace; being |
| - Exhibition of anger | | | | sensitive to this, will build trust. |
| - Open blaming | | | | Be fair |
| - Ganging up | | | | It is the responsibility of each person to ensure that the |
| - Increasing occurrence arguments | | | | outcome is fair for all concerned. |
| - Critical incidents amongst employees | | | | Resolve the conflict for abundance not for scarcity |
| - Critical incidents between employees and | | | | Most people concentrate on cutting the existing pie into |
| management | | | | sections, and then dividing up those sections. To build |
| - Selective perception of individuals regarding the | | | | trust, create a bigger pie for each party. |
| situation/s | | | | Take calculated risks |
| - Others outside the immediate individual or group | | | | Taking calculated, informed decision-made risks is one |
| becoming involved | | | | of the fastest ways to build trust in a relationship. It |
| - Linking other issues or past issues to the one/s now | | | | shows flexibility. |
| in question | | | | The person/s with the greatest flexibility of behaviour |
| - Open incidents of rebelling | | | | ultimately control/s the outcome. |
| - Using deliberate words and phrases which push | | | | The words you use can be slightly emotive, |
| buttons | | | | moderately emotive or highly emotive. |
| - Formal complaints, written or spoken | | | | Do the following exercise: |
| - Threats | | | | As you read each of the words on the left, note your |
| - Provocation | | | | immediate emotional, gut-felt reaction, place a |
| - Litigation/mediation/arbitration/negotiation | | | | checkmark under the heading that most closely |
| - Retaliation | | | | matches your reactions. |
| - Potential violence | | | | In the far-right column, list other words that come to |
| Early detection is obviously the key to a | | | | mind as synonyms of the words on the far left. |
| less-confrontational resolution. | | | | Words / Strongly Positive / Somewhat Positive / |
| Situations largely get out of hand when trust has been | | | | Somewhat Negative / Strongly Negative / Synonym |
| damaged or broken. | | | | Conflict |
| Below are some of the building blocks to repair trust | | | | Compromise |
| amongst protagonists once potentially destructive | | | | Authority |
| conflict has started. | | | | Resolution |
| Demonstrate your competence | | | | Problem |
| Convincing your opponent that you (or the parties) that | | | | Solving |
| you have both the expertise and the will to support | | | | Power |
| your end of the negotiation. | | | | Tension |
| Make sure the nonverbal cues you are sending match | | | | Collaboration |
| the words you are saying | | | | Do this exercise with family members and work |
| Your counterpart can tell more about your total | | | | colleagues; you will be amazed at the divergence of |
| message by reading and interpreting the nonverbal | | | | reactions. |
| signals you are sending than by just listening to your | | | | The more constructive information you have, the |
| words. | | | | better you will be equipped for any eventuality when |
| Congruence between your verbal and nonverbal | | | | conflict arises. |
| messages helps rebuild and create trust. | | | | |