| Divorcees frequently describe feeling overwhelmed by | | | | with those old friends. It might be tempting to gossip |
| the sheer number of emotions they feel due to all of | | | | about him/her and hear how they are doing. The |
| the sudden changes they are dealing with. One of the | | | | problem with that is that it holds you back. You're still |
| most common emotions is loneliness. This happens | | | | focused on the past - NOT your current life and your |
| even for those who initiated the divorce. This makes a | | | | future. |
| lot of sense. You've been a part of a couple for the | | | | 3. Plan fun activities when the kids are away |
| last few years and now you're single. | | | | Don't sit around in mourning when your children have |
| It's really important to learn to accept this loneliness | | | | their parenting time with your ex-spouse. Adjusting to |
| rather than just slap the band-aid of a new relationship | | | | this new time schedule can be difficult. Try to see |
| over it. Being in a relationship because you choose to | | | | things with a more positive perspective. Your kids get |
| be in order to enhance your life rather than fulfill it | | | | to have one on one time with their other parent. You |
| should be your goal if you hope to remarry well. | | | | get to have time just for yourself. That isn't a time you |
| Today, let's focus on the best ways to get beyond | | | | have to be in the mommy or daddy role. You get to |
| that loneliness. Doing this well help you feel more in | | | | just be you. So use it well. Pamper yourself. Don't use |
| control over the choice to be in a future relationship | | | | that time to cram all of the chores that didn't get done. |
| because you want to be rather than because you | | | | Yes, there may be some responsibilities that have to |
| don't want to be alone. | | | | be taken care of, but don't make that the main focus. |
| 1. Find support | | | | 4. Pursue new hobbies |
| One of the best recommendations I can make to | | | | What are those things you've always wished you had |
| people who are newly divorced is to join a divorce | | | | time to do? What are those activities you've always |
| group. A great one is DivorceCare. These groups | | | | thought would be fun to do? How can you begin to |
| allow you the opportunity to learn that you are not | | | | budget your time and finances to try some new |
| alone and to understand that your feelings are normal. | | | | things? |
| Another good support is your friends. They love you | | | | Learning to like who you are is the key; to be |
| and want to be there for you. Now is NOT the time to | | | | comfortable with your new life. Then, and only then are |
| withdraw and shut them out. | | | | able to find a healthy relationship that's not just a |
| 2. Make new friends who identify you as single, rather | | | | replacement for the spouse you no longer have. That |
| than _____'s ex-spouse | | | | new person becomes a healthy addition rather than a |
| You want to surround yourself with people who like | | | | desperate time filler. If your goal is to achieve a |
| you for who you are. I'm not suggesting dropping all of | | | | remarriage success, then the process begins with you |
| your old friends. Just be careful to not discuss your ex | | | | personally, before a new relationship ever occurs. |