| DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is | | | | most people. |
| it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family | | | | That's because most people describe their |
| Court you will need legal advice, so please see a | | | | circumstances in terms of how affects them. In |
| lawyer. | | | | custody and access / child visitation matters, Family |
| Being denied visitation time with your children when | | | | Court Judges are directed to decide why anything |
| you separate and /or divorce is the # one frustration | | | | being asked for by a parent is best for the child, not |
| that all divorced dads share in common. Here's a | | | | the parent. |
| common story that I was recently told by one father: | | | | If you go and watch what goes on in your local Family |
| I have access every weekend with my son, Friday, | | | | Court, you will see this principle in action again and |
| Saturday, Sunday, but last week the judge decided to | | | | again. |
| make it every other weekend so that the mother can | | | | Do just that! Go watch how Judges decide things, and |
| spend time with my son. She never had weekends | | | | figure out how you can position yourself within your |
| before but pleaded for it on compassionate grounds | | | | situation so a Judge sees it and automatically reaches |
| and the judge gave it to her. | | | | for the same solution you are seeking. |
| She really had no basis for this from my perspective | | | | Understand that Family Court is an institution that is |
| and I was very disappointed. The new schedule is | | | | very predictable, but that there are exceptions that |
| very disruptive. What can be done? | | | | you see again and again when they arise. |
| Compensatory access. It is basically saying how are | | | | The only way to learn about that is to go and watch |
| you going to make it up to me that my child has lost | | | | the action on days when motions are held, and mom, |
| with me that they are currently benefiting from.? You | | | | dad and their lawyers present evidence and argue for |
| need to think long and hard about this. | | | | temporary orders. |
| The next suggestion I have in this situation is to have | | | | After doing this for several days, you will see things |
| realistic expectations. Having a child every weekend is | | | | with a fresh set of eyes. You will be amazed at what |
| a very unusual situation for any divorced dad. | | | | you learn in a very short space of time and how that |
| However if you have that order, recognize it can be | | | | will affect your choices and instructions to your lawyer. |
| and likely will be changed if Mom seeks such an order. | | | | My final suggestion is this: Life is often unfair. Family |
| Flexibility is called for. For example, your approach may | | | | Court is one place where we see unfairness often. |
| have been: "Well, you know what? I can understand | | | | However, if you ONLY go to learn about Family Court, |
| how she might want some time! What we need to do | | | | the day you have a hearing scheduled, you won't learn |
| here is look at the current schedule our son should not | | | | much. |
| lose the time he has with me. Here's why? | | | | That's because you'll be too nervous, worried, |
| Then stress benefits, benefits, benefit to the child. The | | | | concerned and afraid of what's to come. Preparation |
| Judge does not care about your losing time, but they | | | | will address these issues and help you to begin seeing |
| will care about what your child loses if you can make | | | | what a Judge sees. |
| a clear, convincing, compelling case that persuades the | | | | If you do this you will hold an advantage in the situation. |
| Judge about what the child gains in being with you. | | | | And isn't that what you really want? |
| For example: Here is how I am involved in his life and | | | | Be fair with yourself and put the time in or face the |
| here are all the benefits to him. She wants once a | | | | consequences and costs of poor decisions and |
| weekend. That is fine. What will our son get in return | | | | choices based on a total lack of knowledge about |
| for that weekend he is losing with me?" | | | | how Family Court operates. |
| Do you see the difference in how the situation is being | | | | In the final analysis, this is the most important set of |
| expressed? | | | | choices you'll ever make for your children. Shouldn't |
| It is being expressed from the child's perspective, NOT | | | | you do that based on facts that you've confirmed |
| yours. That's where the most powerful evidence | | | | about Family Court, instead of guessing? |
| exists in such matters. | | | | I'm sure you know the answer. I encourage you to get |
| BUT, for some divorced dads, you'll need to practice | | | | going. Learn everything you can about these matters |
| seeing and expressing things in this new way. It takes | | | | Don't just complain about unfairness, TAKE ACTION |
| some training of your natural reactions and skills to | | | | to optimize your chances of success. |
| articulate a situation that does not naturally come to | | | | |