| in the child's best interest should always be a parent's | | | | community property states but an experienced lawyer |
| top priority especially when considering divorce. The | | | | mediator generally knows what the court will do in |
| first thing you should know is our adversarial legal | | | | most situations and can be a valuable guide to couples |
| system is not child focused or family friendly. The | | | | who are unfamiliar with the laws. The 4th thing to keep |
| emotional and financial price you pay when you each | | | | in mind is that there is no point in fighting over property |
| hire separate divorce lawyers is higher than you can | | | | division. You can protect your co-parenting relationship |
| now imagine. Remember when you had your child or | | | | and end up with more property if you divide everything |
| children, your life changed from being focused on | | | | the way a neutral 3rd party (mediator) suggests. |
| yourself to having them be your first priority. | | | | In litigated divorce cases, child custody and visitation |
| Before I became a divorce attorney I was a special | | | | issues can be the most contentious and emotional. If |
| education teacher. I have a Masters is in Special | | | | the parents can agree to a custody arrangement, |
| Education, focusing on teaching severely emotionally | | | | which they eventually do in 90% of custody cases, |
| disturbed children, so I came to the law with a powerful | | | | they can avoid court altogether. Why should a couple |
| bias to act only in the best interest of the children. The | | | | wait until they are on the courthouse steps to make a |
| 2nd important fact to know is how comfortable so | | | | deal? Only 10% of custody cases are litigated. A |
| many divorce lawyers are in spending their client's | | | | couple could always seek the services of a child |
| college fund instead of quickly and economically helping | | | | therapist to advise them instead of going to court. The |
| the couple to negotiate a fair deal. After 8 years of | | | | courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" |
| litigation and witnessing the total financial and emotional | | | | standard in determining who should get primary |
| devastation of too many families I vowed to no longer | | | | custody. Wouldn't the parents themselves be in the |
| take adversarial divorces and to do only divorce | | | | best position to decide how their children should be |
| mediation. In the following 3 years, after working with | | | | raised? Mediation allows the couple to remain in |
| over 150 couples with 100% success rate, I am | | | | charge of their lives instead of being told what to do |
| convinced that divorce mediation should be the solution | | | | by lawyers and judges. When the couple has an |
| of first resort for 85% of the couples who are | | | | intention to effectively co-parent by always keeping |
| contemplating divorce. So the 3rd thing you need to | | | | the best interest of the child foremost in their mind, |
| know is there is an alternative to divorce court, | | | | they will produce a much more satisfying outcome |
| mediation. | | | | than if a solution is imposed upon them from above. |
| There is comfort in knowing what to expect when you | | | | Child custody issues are the most inappropriate issues |
| already have answers to your basic questions. There | | | | to be decided within an adversarial system. The win |
| are 8 community property states (Arizona, California, | | | | lose game that is played in court always results in |
| Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, | | | | tension between the parents. Not only will this tension |
| Washington and Wisconsin) which clearly define how | | | | negatively affect the health and happiness of the |
| to divide community property. What ever was totally | | | | parents but the children will be caught in the middle of |
| owned prior to marriage or received by gift or | | | | a battle, ducking verbal and emotional bullets as they |
| inheritance is separate property that goes to the | | | | fly over their heads. The adversarial system does not |
| spouse who owns it. If it was partially paid for using | | | | protect the co-parenting relationship of parents and |
| wages or income earned during the marriage, the | | | | should be avoided if at all possible. An emotionally |
| "community" gains an interest in it that can be | | | | vulnerable client in the hands of a "zealous advocate" |
| calculated. Division of property in community property | | | | who is more concerned with enriching themselves than |
| states is one of the easiest issues to deal with | | | | in helping their client is a dangerous combination. The |
| because it is so clear cut. But what about the other 42 | | | | last thing to keep in mind is that avoiding divorce |
| states? These states use an equitable distribution | | | | attorneys and court should be the #1 priority if you |
| system to divide marital property. Each state has its | | | | want to protect your health, spirit, co-parenting |
| own rules that can be ascertained prior to starting the | | | | relationship and pocketbook. |
| divorce process. So there is some uncertainty in non | | | | |