| Couples often find the preliminary stages of the | | | | mediator, usually an attorney or a family therapist, to |
| divorce process overwhelming because of the many | | | | meet with them. A mediator will conduct as many |
| issues they need to consider. Among these are | | | | sessions as necessary to help clients reach |
| questions about support, asset division, and children. | | | | agreement on their issues, without resorting to a |
| Reaching agreement on these issues is almost never | | | | courtroom. A mediator does not play the role of |
| easy, and couples are often besieged with advice | | | | arbitrator or decision-maker; rather he or she facilitates |
| from well meaning friends and family, and articles such | | | | resolution. Mediation can be faster and far less costly |
| as this. The reason why this process can be so | | | | because couples only have to hire one individual to |
| bewildering is because each situation requires a unique | | | | resolve their issues. Mediation is most likely to be the |
| solution. Save the simplest cases, there are no | | | | process that enables parties to preserve relationships |
| standard resolutions. Thus, the guidelines of family law | | | | and avoid the acrimony that can create years of hard |
| are intentionally flexible and lacking in clear guidance | | | | feeling and damage children. Most mediators |
| and rules. In light of this, couples must first understand | | | | encourage clients to consult with experienced family |
| their choices when getting a divorce. These include | | | | lawyers as coaches during the process so that they |
| litigation, mediation, and collaborative law. Each | | | | are fully informed as they make commitments. |
| approach has its advantages and its advocates. It is | | | | Collaborative Law |
| up to each couple to try to figure out what process | | | | A relatively new approach to divorce is collaborative |
| suits them best, rather than focusing on specific | | | | law. Its popularity is growing across the country as |
| solutions. | | | | both lawyers and clients are finding it useful in certain |
| Litigation | | | | cases. In a collaborative law case, each client selects |
| The traditional and most common approach for dealing | | | | an attorney who makes a commitment not to go to |
| with divorce is litigation. Each individual hires his or her | | | | court to resolve the case. Each lawyer actually agrees |
| own attorney who files the case in court and obtains | | | | in writing that he or she will withdraw from the case if |
| court orders regarding custody, support and property | | | | it goes to court as a contested matter. This feature of |
| division. Most attorneys practicing family law will make | | | | collaborative law was developed to meet the |
| an initial effort to amicably resolve the case, but if | | | | perceived problem of lawyers churning cases for their |
| settlement is not reached quickly, the conventional | | | | own benefit. By agreeing in advance not to take the |
| approach is to seek court involvement. There is a wide | | | | case if it goes to court, all questions about the |
| variance in style among family lawyers, and clients | | | | attorney's motivation are resolved. In the collaborative |
| retaining counsel should have extended conversations | | | | law process, both parties hire the same appraisers, the |
| with their lawyers about their philosophy, experience | | | | same pension actuaries and thereby reduce |
| and customary practices. For example, there are | | | | gamesmanship and cost. Experienced collaborative |
| attorneys who will not negotiate until temporary court | | | | lawyers report that by eliminating the threat of 'I'll see |
| orders are obtained from a court or until a case is | | | | you in court,' the process of resolving differences can |
| prepared for trial. These lawyers view any interest in | | | | proceed in an orderly, creative and non destructive |
| early negotiation as a sign of weakness to be | | | | way. Although slightly more expensive than mediation, |
| exploited by the other side. While there are cases in | | | | collaborative law permits the parties to have |
| which this approach is the only appropriate one, for | | | | meaningful involvement of attorneys who can help |
| most people this method should be a last resort when | | | | with technical and creative solutions, without running the |
| other less aggressive approaches have been tried and | | | | risk that the situation will degenerate into a war. Many |
| failed. Since aggressive litigation is the most costly | | | | clients find that mediation without the active |
| process and the one most likely to create emotional | | | | participation of personal attorneys, is a little threatening, |
| and financial pain, clients must be careful who they hire | | | | especially in a situation where one of the parties has |
| to represent them and should be careful to maintain | | | | superior knowledge or negotiating skills. |
| control of their attorney. At the end of the case, the | | | | No matter which one of these three legal options |
| lawyer moves on to the next case. The clients must | | | | couples choose, they have to be concerned with their |
| deal with the wreckage left behind. | | | | own personal well-being and that of their families. |
| Mediation | | | | Nobody likes the idea of divorce, but there is no |
| Mediation is the most well known alternative to litigation. | | | | reason why marriage has to become an expensive |
| Mediation encourages clients to hire a neutral, divorce | | | | courtroom drama. |