| We cannot communicate at all without some level of | | | | women before it even had a chance to be established. |
| conceptualizing or labellings of the world around us. | | | | This could, in itself, have reinforced the sense of |
| When I say the word 'tree' it covers an incredible | | | | anonymity which some say they often feel. No one |
| diversity of different forms of vegetation and even if I | | | | seems to want to acknowledge them! |
| sub-divide the category 'tree' into oaks and pines and | | | | As well as this it could have led me to feel that the |
| beech and maple etc., I am still only able to describe | | | | community I worked with was 'closed' and restricted |
| general features seen amongst that type of tree. The | | | | with respect to direct communication. This is a |
| label is not sufficient to describe an individual tree. | | | | common cause of the kinds of resentments some |
| It could be an oak tree. It may be a tall oak tree. It may | | | | people feel towards people from 'other cultures' when |
| be a tall oak tree with 35 branches. It may be a tall | | | | someone else tells them they can't do this, that, or the |
| oak tree with 35 branches, 2 of which spread out on | | | | other in their presence. |
| the south side of the tree and which are both over 1 | | | | Take for example a present assumption that people |
| meter in circumference. | | | | of 'other cultures' are offended by the sending of |
| But we could then start to look at the color of the | | | | Christmas cards. |
| leaves which we could simply describe as green.....or | | | | Despite many Muslim organizations - who are the main |
| even dark green. And we could observe that only last | | | | ones who have been 'volunteered' to be offended by |
| week they were emerging as new leaves and had a | | | | Christmas cards - saying that they do not find it |
| lighter more yellowy tinge to them. | | | | offensive at all, there are some organizations that now |
| And we could say more.....but I think you get the point. | | | | have it as a policy not to use terms such as 'HAPPY |
| So what started as 'tree' suddenly becomes a much | | | | CHRISTMAS' when sending a....... card in December. |
| more detailed experience than the word originally | | | | I have a black friend who was in a canteen queue |
| implies. But often, in conversation I will just use the | | | | with her Social Work course lecturer, who was white, |
| word 'tree' because it gives a common reference | | | | and the lecturer asked for 'coffee without milk', rather |
| point for a discussion. It may not seem necessary to | | | | than black coffee as she felt it was not ok to ask for |
| say more about it than its label. | | | | black coffee. |
| And so it is with people. When we say someone is | | | | The awkwardness and paranoia that ensues from the |
| 'racist' we think we know what that means but in fact | | | | un-investigated assumptions that we associate with |
| we haven't even begun to understand or tried to | | | | particular labels, is, in itself a major cause of |
| experience who that person is as a human being. | | | | breakdown in communication and a source of |
| When we say someone is 'a Muslim' or 'a man' or 'a | | | | destructive responses to conflict. |
| woman' or 'disabled', or 'the boss' the same is true. And | | | | And consider the stereotype that the male of the |
| it also applies if we hold, or have been told, labels such | | | | Asian family should always be deferred to. I'm not for |
| as 'arrogant', 'patronizing', 'a bully' etc. about a person. | | | | one minute going to say that there is not a presence |
| How does this impact upon the effectiveness of our | | | | of patriarchy in some Asian families. But it reinforces |
| communication and the effectiveness of our conflict | | | | the stereotype when we 'pre-train' individuals and |
| resolution if there is a difficulty?There are many | | | | professionals that these things exist rather than |
| communication 'techniques' proposed on many courses | | | | support them in being able to respond openly and with |
| which actively rely on these stereotypes to be | | | | awareness of their preconceptions in any situation. |
| unexplored and, rather than promote effective | | | | There are many 'white' families where it could be said |
| communication, they reinforce such stereotypes. It is | | | | the male is the person who 'deals with things' while the |
| as if communication is a 'science' and that we all react | | | | woman always defers to him. (And of course there |
| the same within the labels ascribed to us. | | | | are many where the opposite is true.) |
| So what's the problem with that? | | | | The point is that for effective communication to occur, |
| Well, if I were to believe such stereotypes I would | | | | we need to be able to deal with any situation as it |
| assume that I know things about the people who I see | | | | presents itself to us. |
| as fitting them and would never make the effort to | | | | Do we have a conscious awareness of our labels |
| engage with them to find out if the stereotype is | | | | when we meet with other people? |
| actually true. I would be dealing with a concept in my | | | | Do we keep those preconceptions and not explore |
| head and not the human being standing in front of me. | | | | whether they are true or not? |
| I once attended a 'Cultural Awareness' training session | | | | Unfortunately, when training in communication skills and |
| designed to enable predominantly 'white' people (and | | | | conflict resolution skills focuses on gaining knowledge |
| what do we mean by that?) to understand 'non-white' | | | | of 'how women like to speak', 'how men like to speak', |
| people (and what do we mean by that?). It was | | | | 'how black people like to speak'..... we are loading |
| proposed in the session that when meeting with an | | | | ourselves up with labels, making it harder to let go of |
| Asian family (and what do we mean by that?) we | | | | them when we actually meet these people. |
| should not give eye contact to the females in the | | | | Men can't express their feelings and don't like to talk. |
| family and that it is likely that we would always have | | | | If you see someone in a meeting who has their arms |
| to defer to the male of the household in order to | | | | folded, it means they don't like what is being said. |
| prevent causing offense. | | | | Women feel more at home in the kitchen and being |
| I can't begin to say how many bland assumptions and | | | | with children. |
| stereotypes which inhibit effective communication | | | | Add your own..... |
| were contained within that experience, and here's a | | | | Ultimately, however, we are responsible for whether |
| look at some of them: | | | | we challenge the things we are told about others, or |
| At the time I was working as a teacher in Camden, | | | | the things we tell ourselves, based on the labels we |
| London, and many of the pupils in my classes were | | | | have for them. And that label can be as simple as |
| Bangladeshi girls and girls from other Asian cultures. | | | | 'man', 'woman', 'black', 'white', 'old', 'young', 'racist', 'bully', |
| Believe me, they could hold eye contact, without being | | | | 'victim', 'partner' etc. |
| intimidated or offended! | | | | Are we always willing to explore the 'detail' of who |
| As could their mothers when they came in for Parent's | | | | they are and what they think or feel, with them, rather |
| Evenings. | | | | than assume we know them from the label we have |
| If I'd believed the stereotype - and I've heard many | | | | for them? |
| professionals advocate the approach - then I would | | | | Labels inhibit effective communication, if we let them. |
| have cut off my potential connection with those Asian | | | | But they don't have to. |