Mediation 101

Divorce is never easy. It has taken a long time for you· How much visitation will the non-residential
to make the decision to split up. And even if you andparent enjoy? · How much support will be
your spouse are still on "good terms", you'll stillpaid?
encounter problems when you attempt to work out· What does support cover?
the details of your separation. Rarely is there equal· Who gets to stay in the house?
bargaining power in a marriage. Plus, it is very difficult· How will I get my money from the property
to make rational decisions when emotions are runningwe own?
high. Few situations are as emotionally charged as the· How will our investments be divided?
end of a relationship.· Do I have to share my retirement?
Mediation is a voluntary settlement process which· Who will pay the credit card debt?
allows you to control your own destiny rather than· What about health insurance?
leaving your fate up to a judge who knows nothing· Will the kids get to go to college?
about your or your spouse. You need never step footA skilled and experienced mediator is able to create a
into a courtroom as all discussions are held in thesafe and cooperative environment which encourages
safety and comfort of the mediator's office. Becauseopen and honest discussion. The mediator's role is an
of this mediation is far less costly in both economicimpartial one, identifying issues exploring underlying
and emotional terms. Couples can save up to 90%interests, suggesting options and balancing power.
over a traditional courtroom battle by using theThe mediator is neutral, does not represent either
mediation process.party and does not make decisions. They are trained
How it works:to listen and help both parties stay focused on the
Divorce Mediation is a step by step process throughtask at hand. There is no need to being "dirty laundry"
which separating couples arrive at a fair agreementinto the room or the discussions. Mediators encourage
which is acceptable to both parties. It is conductedthe couple to search for a solution to their unique
under the guidance of a trained professional who helpsproblems and support them once a decision is made.
the couple to make their own important decisionsThe mediation process culminates (usually after an
concerning their changing and uncertain future. Theaverage of five sessions) in the preparation of a
mediator need not be a lawyer. A psychologist withMarital Settlement Agreement which details the
some knowledge of divorce law can be quitespecifics of your mutually agreed upon decisions. This
effective in dealing with a couple going through aagreement is the basis of the divorce decree.
breakup of their marriage.A Final Note
The mediator helps you identify the points upon whichIt is important to understand that mediation is not the
you already agree and works from there, witharena for deciding whether or not to separate or
cooperative problem solving, to work on the issuesdivorce. That should be done in the office of a mental
which are not so easily disposed of. Some exampleshealth professional. However, once the decision is
of typical questions which come up during the processreached, mediation can help the separating couple and
are:their children avoid unnecessary scars and return
· Who will the children live with?much sooner to the business of living.