| As a certified family mediator and family attorney, I | | | | Here’s why: |
| often hear this from clients in the middle of mediating a | | | | 1. Regardless of why you enter into a particular |
| litigated family case as they’re considering the | | | | settlement agreement, you will have to live with the |
| latest offer from the other party, “I’ll take this | | | | agreement long after your feelings of frustration and |
| offer—I just want this thing to be over.” | | | | desperation have gone away. |
| The “thing” the client wants to get rid of is the | | | | 2. This frame of mind will prevent you from |
| legal action. | | | | evaluating the particular terms you are agreeing to, |
| That statement is usually followed by a comment | | | | including (or especially) the disadvantages to you from |
| about how the client can’t take it | | | | entering into a particular agreement. |
| anymore—can’t take the tension and uncertainty | | | | 3. If you can’t live with what you agreed to, you |
| generated by the case, the preparation for trial or | | | | will end up back in court—the very place you |
| depositions, and the money it is costing him or her to | | | | wanted to escape by entering into a mediated |
| continue in litigation, etc. | | | | settlement agreement. |
| The feeling of desperation and the hope for relief is | | | | It is critical that you face these feelings and deal with |
| clearly palpable in their words. | | | | them prior to any mediation. It isn’t a question of |
| Moreover, since it’s common for mediation with | | | | whether you’re justified in having those feelings. It |
| represented parties to be scheduled for an entire day, | | | | is a question of getting yourself into the best mental |
| these feelings are made worse by mediating for an | | | | condition. |
| extended period of time—we all get tired from such | | | | In part 2 of this article, you can read about how to |
| a prolonged concentration in resolving conflicts. | | | | best deal with these feelings and prepare for |
| As a party in a litigated case, going into mediation with | | | | mediation so that you can assess the terms of any |
| this frame of mind is the worst thing you can do. | | | | agreement you’re negotiating. |