| A woman walks down the road and gradually | | | | communication is the assumption that we 'know what |
| becomes aware that a car has pulled up alongside her | | | | someone is feeling' from what they say, or even from |
| (no it's not what you think!). The passenger window is | | | | their 'body language'. And so it can easily be |
| wound down and the person inside asks: | | | | interpreted that someone is, for example, angry, and |
| "Excuse me!" | | | | we may then 'summarize' this to them: |
| "Yes" the woman replies. | | | | "I can see you are really angry"....or |
| "I wonder if you could tell me how I get to the Hospital | | | | "Please don't get angry"....or |
| from here?" | | | | "Well, your body language is very angry"....or whatever |
| "Of course, you keep going down this road for about | | | | emotion we have ascribed to them. |
| half a mile and come to some traffic lights. Turn left | | | | Or, we may not summarize anything back to them and |
| there and carry on for about a mile. You'll probably see | | | | assume we know what they were feeling (speak for |
| it before you need to turn off again anyway but about | | | | them). |
| a mile along from there is a right hand turning with big | | | | In both of these situations the communication is |
| signs outside so you can't miss it, showing you the | | | | ineffective as the speaker has to either 'go with' the |
| entrance to the Hospital." | | | | feeling they have been ascribed by the 'listener', or the |
| "Ok so that's keep going for half a mile, turn left at the | | | | listener goes away without ever knowing that their |
| traffic lights, carry on for a mile and then turn right and | | | | interpretation of the person's emotion is wrong. |
| it is well signposted at that point anyway. Is that right?" | | | | Of course, they may be right.........but why take that risk |
| "That's it you've got it." | | | | with the quality of our communication when there could |
| "Thank you very much!" | | | | be many other descriptions that the speaker would |
| "Ok, no problem." | | | | use to identify how they feel? |
| I find it interesting that when we really need to be sure | | | | There is a much simpler, less ambiguous approach: |
| we have heard someone after asking them a question | | | | Why not simply ask: "So how do you feel about this?" |
| we will almost always do a summary back of what | | | | and trust that whatever answer they give is genuinely |
| they've said. Various radio communications used by | | | | how they feel? Even if it's to say "I'm not sure", and |
| the Police, the Military, Air Traffic control, all use | | | | even if it doesn't fit with our presumption about how |
| summaries or repetitions back to the sender from the | | | | they feel. |
| listener. | | | | This saves us all the bother of having to decide for |
| But so often it is missing in our normal communication | | | | people what they feel, it saves them having to |
| with others, and for many people a summary feels | | | | disagree with our decision, it allows them to speak for |
| quite 'awkward' as if they think it makes them look | | | | themselves (Principle 5 of Effective Communication) |
| stupid or as if they haven't listened - instead of thinking | | | | and it allows us to trust that they know their own mind |
| it shows they care, and are concerned that they are | | | | and feelings. (They will always know this better than us |
| listening effectively. | | | | won't they?) |
| Summarizing is an essential skill used in the practice of | | | | Summarizing is not a 'high pressure' activity for the |
| Mediation and I would say that it is an enormous | | | | listener as the summary is not going to be 'perfect' the |
| contributor to the effectiveness of any communication | | | | first time it is given and it does not need to be. One of |
| that we have, whether in the role of a Mediator or not. | | | | the listener's uses for summarizing is to be able to |
| The Principles of Effective Communication and the | | | | acknowledge that their listening is not perfect (we do |
| Underlying Philosophies of Mediation described on the | | | | make mistakes and it is ok to do so - Principle 9 of |
| Communication and Conflict website (see below) | | | | Effective Communication) and that they care enough |
| inform how an effective summary can be given. | | | | about the quality of their listening that they want to |
| For example, it needs to ensure that ownership of | | | | improve it through use of a summary. |
| what is said remains with the speaker. So for example, | | | | Giving opinions about what was said is also inhibiting |
| a summary in the listener's own words does not | | | | effective communication as it is no longer summarizing, |
| promote effective listening and serves no real purpose | | | | but a commentary. |
| as it is not a summary of what was said but a | | | | Commentaries can come along later perhaps, if a |
| re-interpretation by the listener of what was said. | | | | discussion is to follow, but at first it is important for the |
| This is likely to mean the speaker has to restate | | | | speaker to know they have been accurately heard. |
| something or elaborate on it to try to bring the wording | | | | For the speaker, the benefit of an effective summary |
| back to how they want it to be expressed. | | | | is that it gives them a chance to 'hear themselves'. It |
| Summaries can often be at risk of disempowering the | | | | allows them to review their thoughts and feelings from |
| communication of another when it uses the listener's | | | | a more detached position, enabling them to gain more |
| words and not the speaker's. Ownership of what is | | | | of an overview of what they have said. |
| said is taken from the speaker. This is a common | | | | Seeing things 'as a whole' can be difficult when caught |
| practice amongst many Helping Professionals, leading | | | | up in the emotions and reactions of a distressing |
| to disaffection and a sense of disempowerment | | | | situation. Summarizing what someone has said enables |
| amongst their clients. | | | | this to happen and promotes empowerment of the |
| Unfortunately, some communication skills training even | | | | speaker to be able to create better ways of |
| encourages the use of summaries in the listener's own | | | | responding to their situation. |
| words. This inhibits effective communication as it adds | | | | But it is not just distressing situations that are helped by |
| an additional burden for the speaker to have to deal | | | | summarizing what those involved say about it. Any |
| with this reinterpretation rather than to simply express | | | | creative challenge is assisted through using this |
| themselves and be listened to. | | | | approach. Mediation is essentially the facilitation and |
| This may be fine in an unimportant conversation - in | | | | support of the creativity of those involved in a dispute, |
| fact none of the Principles are important in a 'small talk' | | | | but the skills used to do this are just as applicable to |
| kind of conversation where it doesn't really matter | | | | any context where creativity is being facilitated through |
| what is or isn't communicated. I am not suggesting that | | | | communication. |
| all conversations should include a summary. | | | | This approach to summarizing means that it becomes |
| But where it is important, for example in gaining | | | | a co-operative process, through which both speaker |
| information from someone (as in the request for | | | | and listener are trying to maximize the effectiveness |
| directions above) or in a situation of personal | | | | of their communication. And through which, the |
| importance to the speaker (and on a daily basis we | | | | speaker is assisted in gaining a better understanding of |
| are engaged in many such situations), then effective | | | | themselves. |
| summarizing is important, if the speaker is to feel what | | | | Isn't that ultimately what we are all trying to achieve |
| they say is valued. Or, at least, that their attempt to | | | | when we communicate? |
| communicate their thoughts and feelings has been | | | | And so, to summarize: |
| successful. | | | | A summary uses the words used by the speaker to |
| But actually, summarizing is rarely used in day to day | | | | maintain their ownership of the communication and to |
| conversations. Often a conversation ends with the | | | | remove the need for the speaker to continuously |
| people involved having very different views of what | | | | restate and elaborate on what they have said. |
| was said. | | | | A summary supports creativity by enabling an |
| A summary maximizes the effectiveness of the | | | | overview of a situation or experience to be 'played |
| communication that occurs through a checking with the | | | | back' to the speaker, using their own words. |
| speaker whether the summary is an accurate | | | | A summary supports both the speaker and the listener |
| statement of what was said. | | | | in improving the quality of their communication and |
| The summary is not a 'statement of fact' about what | | | | provides an opportunity for them to work |
| was said, it is an opportunity to clarify with the speaker | | | | co-operatively in achieving this. |
| that the thoughts and feelings and viewpoints they | | | | A summary does not contain advice or opinion or |
| have expressed have been heard accurately. Through | | | | re-interpretation. |
| the use of a summary the speaker and listener can | | | | Whether used informally with friends, relatives etc. or |
| co-operatively maximize the effectiveness of their | | | | whether in more formal professional or work related |
| communication | | | | contexts, summarizing is of enormous benefit when |
| Feelings | | | | we wish to maximize the quality and effectiveness of |
| A common practice that leads to ineffective | | | | our communication. |