| What is a mediator? It is a neutral person. They do not | | | | two intelligent people have hired complete strangers to |
| take sides and they are not there to be your marriage | | | | argue what can become ?unimportant stuff? and a |
| therapist. Their goal is to assist you by removing the | | | | court reporter is taking down every word said for the |
| drama and tension often associated with a long drawn | | | | court that will then become public record. Do you really |
| out court battle. In fact, they are not even allowed to | | | | want to participate in ending your marriage that way? |
| give you legal advice. The mediator begins, by meeting | | | | Some of those people in court have been there a |
| each party separately. You fill out questions and | | | | years or more and still are not divorced. Why? |
| provide financial information. In addition, you list | | | | Because they could not resolve their own issues |
| concerns over custody and parenting issues. | | | | during their marriage. They are stubborn, angry, or |
| After the initial meeting, you will then meet with the | | | | want revenge. In the end, it is the |
| mediator together and work out issues so that you | | | | judge-another-stranger-who will decide the final |
| can come up with an agreement that serves you both. | | | | outcome of who gets what and when you and your |
| That agreement is then submitted to the courts for | | | | former spouse may see the children. You ultimately |
| final review usually by a judge. (States vary on this, so | | | | DO Not get to decide. |
| please check your local statues.) | | | | Many lawyers now offer Divorce Mediation as part of |
| The goal of mediation is to not place any blame in the | | | | their services. They, however, are not allowed to give |
| marriage, but rather promote and plan for a healthy | | | | legal advice. They are bound by the same rules as a |
| future for you, your spouse, and your children. You | | | | mediator, and must remain neutral in the process. |
| create the divorce agreement between the two of | | | | No matter what, it is best to consult with a lawyer |
| you with the assistance of the mediator not the courts. | | | | before an agreement is finalized to have that person |
| Before you say, ?I am not interested in doing that, I | | | | review and make any changes before an agreement |
| want to hire a lawyer,? you should seek consultation | | | | is finalized. |
| with a lawyer to understand your options. A lawyer | | | | Understanding the Benefits of Mediation in Divorce: |
| can review the documents drawn up by a mediator | | | | A mediator does not represent either party. Rather, a |
| and make changes and suggestions before it is | | | | mediator creates a cooperative environment when |
| submitted to the courts. | | | | both you and your spouse can work together to reach |
| Have you ever sat in on a divorce trial? The answer | | | | an agreement on the terms of your divorce. Both you |
| most likely is no. Before you make that all important-life | | | | and your spouse have the right to also consult |
| changing decision, why don?t you go your local | | | | individually with an attorney during this process. Once |
| courthouse to family court or domestic relations | | | | the agreement is reached, the mediator will write up |
| (whatever it may be called in your area) and sit | | | | the agreement into a document where both you and |
| through a morning or afternoon of court calls and/or | | | | your spouse will then be able to file the documentwith |
| hearings of others going through a divorce. It is not a | | | | additional court papers to obtain a divorce. |
| pretty site, especially if there is a lot of tension | | | | This process only works if both you and your spouse |
| between the divorcing parties, the lawyers, and the | | | | are willing to make a full financial disclosure, and if you |
| judge. As you view the court process, try and picture | | | | both are willing to make a good faith effort to reach |
| yourself sitting there with your lawyer and your spouse | | | | an agreement. |
| sitting with their lawyer. Observe the fact that these | | | | |