| For parents of minor children who want to know what | | | | is self employed. They will dig in their heals and do so |
| ALL the options are when thinking about divorce, hear | | | | much creative accounting, you will end up paying them. |
| this. A mind works best, like a parachute, when it is | | | | We create our lives out of our intention. That may |
| open. There are very creative ways to divide property | | | | sound counter intuitive. You didn't intend for your |
| and to share children if both parties keep their eye on | | | | marriage to end, did you? Well intention is like a muscle, |
| the prize - the well being of the children. They didn't | | | | the more you use it the stronger it gets. If the two of |
| ask for this drama and it is possible to shield them if | | | | you intend to break up with as much cooperation and |
| the two of you work at it. The idea of "working at it" | | | | generosity as possible BOTH of you will be better off, |
| may sound odd to a couple who is about to break up | | | | financially and emotionally. I always say the same thing |
| just because their relationship isn't "working" but if you | | | | to people, you can divide the pie two ways or four |
| have children together your job will never end. There | | | | ways. Which way do you get the most? When you |
| will be weddings and grandchildren and holidays for the | | | | use divorce mediation, you cut out the lawyers. The |
| rest of your life. If you start World War III now, with the | | | | average fees in California, when both sides have their |
| kids caught in the middle, they are going to have to do | | | | own lawyers is $20,000 each, but the truth is that the |
| a lot of duck and cover as your verbal bullets whiz | | | | more you have to lose the more your fees will be. |
| over their heads. | | | | California divorce attorneys are the only kinds of |
| Take a step back and focus on the children. No | | | | lawyers whose fees are protected by the equity in |
| matter what perceived wrongs may or may not have | | | | your home. They KNOW they are getting paid. Do you |
| happened to you, this is where you are right now and | | | | think the case will take longer or resolve itself quickly |
| playing the blame game may make you feel better but | | | | when you have a lot of assets? Human nature being |
| it is not productive. A little rational thought instead of | | | | what it is, certain attorneys will make sure the case |
| playing victim to your own feelings is what is needed | | | | does not settle until there is nothing left to fight about. If |
| most right now. The more you focus on anger, the | | | | you want more details, read Charles Dickens' Bleak |
| more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now | | | | House. Nothing has changed since the 1800s. |
| instead. Who has been the primary caretaker? If you | | | | The overwhelming majority of people know what they |
| have been a stay at home mom or dad, guess what, | | | | have. There are no hidden Swiss bank accounts in |
| you will probably have to go back to work because | | | | most divorce cases yet attorneys will spend |
| you won't collect enough support to keep you living the | | | | thousands of dollars doing discovery, taking depositions |
| life to which you have gotten accustomed. So if both | | | | and serving subpoenas. Why buy more than you |
| of you are working then you really get a chance to | | | | need? Would you do that with a house or car? Why |
| look at a shared custody situation. It is hard to raise a | | | | would you do it with a divorce? I am not saying |
| child alone. Sometimes you really need a break for | | | | mediation is for everyone but if the two of you are |
| your own sake. | | | | decent people who just want out, no one is trying to |
| 5/2 2/5. This is a very popular child sharing plan that | | | | hurt the other one and both of you are honest and |
| gives the children a consistency that is dependable. | | | | reliable about money with enough honor to keep your |
| One parent always takes Monday and Tuesday while | | | | word, then you are the perfect client for mediation. |
| the other parent always takes Wednesday and | | | | Divorce is a transition that has its challenges but an |
| Thursday with weekends going back and forth. This | | | | experienced mediator will help you in a way that is |
| means that you will never be away from the child | | | | peaceful and respectful to both of you. Prices for |
| more than 5 days at a time. Some times the weekend | | | | mediation are determined by expertise and where you |
| runs into Monday/Tuesday and sometime it runs into | | | | are located so make several calls, interview several |
| Wednesday/Thursday. Having big chunks of time with | | | | mediators to make sure you are fully informed. In my |
| and without the children lets you plan a personal and | | | | own practice the whole process, on average, takes |
| work life that a lot of people enjoy. | | | | between 4-7 hours but there is certain homework that |
| On the financial side, if you have a bitter, | | | | must be done prior to working with me. Ask the |
| uncooperative, self employed spouse, try collecting | | | | mediator what percentage of their cases settle and |
| support. It is impossible unless they feel like paying you. | | | | how many meetings did it take. In California the |
| This is going to be a fight to the end and you probably | | | | average cost when both sides have their own |
| will never collect what you are owed. The last thing | | | | attorney is $40,000 so whatever the mediator charges |
| you want is to go to war with a person like this. So | | | | will be a tiny fraction of that. The financial benefits of |
| now we talk about the most important decision you will | | | | mediation are obvious but more importantly, you will be |
| make. What kind of divorce do you want? Some | | | | comfortable enough with your spouse to co-parent |
| people want to go in guns blazing. There are a LOT of | | | | your children. This is the best gift you can give to your |
| attorneys who just love clients like that because they | | | | children. I ought to know, I was one of those kids |
| know they can make a lot of money off of you. But if | | | | caught in the middle. This is why I do what I do. Using |
| you have a self employed spouse, you NEED them to | | | | mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back |
| cooperate. You know what your grandmother used to | | | | into the divorce process because the adversarial |
| say about catching more flies with honey. A long, | | | | system destroys families. So ask yourself, what kind |
| expensive, adversarial divorce will not produce a | | | | of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea |
| workable result when the side who owes the support | | | | whose time has come. |