| I failed recently as a coach. My assignment | | | | That Batter UsThink of the endless commercial |
| was to coach a group of public speakers | | | | messages in our society. We can watch |
| | | | television, |
| on storytelling.I always try to coach by | | | | |
| discovering the goals of the teller, then | | | | go out on the street and see billboards, and |
| helping the teller | | | | open magazines and read ads. We are |
| | | | |
| achieve them. With seven of the speakers in | | | | constantly bombarded by enticements to |
| that group, I succeeded, sometimes | | | | consume. To buy. To own."Consume. Buy. Own." |
| | | | Those aren't the words that bring |
| spectacularly. With the eighth, who I'll | | | | relationships. Those aren't |
| call "Nathaniel," I did not.What happened | | | | |
| between me and Nathaniel? I began, as usual, | | | | the words that bring us close to people. |
| by listening to his | | | | Those words turn us into property owners |
| | | | |
| story, then offering him appreciations.I | | | | rather than friends.The great tragedy of a |
| went on to ask him what help he wanted. He | | | | consumer society is that we end up feeling |
| said, "I feel confident with the rest of | | | | more and more |
| | | | |
| my speech, but not with the story part. Tell | | | | alone.("Alone" and "lack of connection," by |
| me what I can do to make my stories | | | | the way, are different from solitude. |
| | | | Solitude is |
| have a bigger impact on my audience."For the | | | | |
| next twenty minutes, Nathaniel and I | | | | a good thing that we all need in some |
| struggled. I noticed his overly slick | | | | measure. Connection is a good thing we all |
| | | | |
| delivery, and tried some of my | | | | need in some measure. Isolation is not |
| tried-and-true methods for helping him speak | | | | something necessary.)Relationships Are UsWe |
| more | | | | tell at our best when we don't try to have |
| | | | "impact" but rather try to love our |
| authentically. I asked him to describe what | | | | |
| it felt like to deliver the parts of his | | | | listeners. We can love them by being playful |
| | | | or by being earnest, by being powerful |
| speeches he felt confident with. I explained | | | | |
| some storytelling theory, gave him | | | | or humble, with humor or pathos. We can |
| | | | offer ourselves eagerly or coyly.But whatever |
| exercises to try out on the spot, and | | | | we do, we must not hide. We must fight the |
| offered him images to help align him toward | | | | temptation to withdraw |
| | | | |
| his listeners.In the end, I had the feeling | | | | into an "objective" stance toward our |
| of someone who has just spent a day trying to | | | | listeners.I was just at the National |
| tempt a | | | | Storytelling Festival, where many attendees |
| | | | were excited |
| turtle out of its shell. Every glimmer of | | | | |
| progress resulted in retreat. I felt | | | | by Kathryn Windham's telling. What did they |
| frustrated, | | | | love? Her stories, of course. The way |
| | | | |
| and he just looked perplexed: what was I | | | | she talks. But what they really loved was |
| trying to get him to do? He just wanted | | | | just HER. Her offer of her genuine self. The |
| | | | |
| more impact in his telling!After more than | | | | stance she took toward us of independent, |
| two decades of coaching, I rarely fail so | | | | gentle, strong, tolerant wisdom.To be |
| completely. That night, as I | | | | communicated with from that place is a great |
| | | | treat. It's a moment of healing |
| lay in bed, I pondered where I had gone | | | | |
| wrong.The next morning, I woke up with the | | | | amidst the fractured, antagonistic, |
| answer: Nathaniel kept saying that he wanted | | | | competitive, materialistic transactions that |
| | | | pass |
| "impact" on his audience. What he was | | | | |
| studiously avoiding was a relationship with | | | | for ordinary and normal in our |
| | | | society.Offering OurselvesHoward Gardner says |
| his listeners. And the storytelling portions | | | | that great leaders convey "stories" that |
| of his speech were the most difficult to | | | | large groups of people |
| | | | |
| do without entering into a relationship!In | | | | can subscribe to. But there is more to it, |
| other words, Nathaniel had bought into one of | | | | he maintains. The effective leader's life |
| the great, destructive fallacies of | | | | |
| | | | must be consistent with the story. In other |
| our times - the very one that makes | | | | words, the leader must also live the |
| storytelling more important, perhaps, than it | | | | |
| | | | story.I would put it this way: the leader |
| | | | needs to offer herself or himself as part of |
| has ever been.Treating Each Other As | | | | the |
| ObjectsOur society too often treats objects | | | | |
| in the way we should really be treating | | | | story. People decide to follow us because |
| people. | | | | our story creates a relationship they can |
| | | | |
| And we tend to treat people the way we | | | | trust and draw hope from. Because they feel |
| should be treating objects.We think, for | | | | an important connection with us.In |
| example, of our economy as being based on | | | | performing, entering into a respectful, |
| products and money, | | | | loving relationship is the key to success. In |
| | | | |
| because our society hides the relationships | | | | |
| that are the basis of any economy. We | | | | eliciting stories from others, too, our |
| | | | loving listening builds the needed |
| go to the supermarket and buy the | | | | relationship. |
| raspberries in their plastic case and have no | | | | |
| real | | | | In creating stories, the best stories are |
| | | | conceived as part of a loving intention |
| awareness of all the people who are part of | | | | |
| that transaction.We're scarcely aware of the | | | | toward imagined or actual listeners.Equally, |
| stock boy at the supermarket; we pay passing | | | | in spreading the word about storytelling - |
| attention | | | | about our own services or about |
| | | | |
| to the cashier. But what about the trucker, | | | | the art in general - the most powerful and |
| the grower, the people working for the | | | | rewarding results grow out of carefully |
| | | | |
| grower? We have economic relationships with | | | | nurtured relationships.In other words, as |
| those people, but those relationships | | | | storytellers, the critical part of our job is |
| | | | not creating, learning, or |
| are disguised. Made invisible.Storytelling | | | | |
| is valuable, in large measure, because it | | | | performing stories. It's employing |
| can't be done well without overt | | | | storytelling as a vehicle for - and the |
| | | | result of - |
| relationships. It tends to make | | | | |
| relationships visible. That's one of the | | | | respectful relationships.We storytellers ARE |
| reasons we | | | | in the relationship business. That's the |
| | | | ultimate mark of our |
| love it, and one of the reasons we need | | | | |
| it.Stories themselves are certainly crucial | | | | success and the most powerful tool that we |
| to the success of storytelling. But they are | | | | have. That's what makes our work not |
| | | | |
| not necessarily in short supply. We have | | | | just enjoyable and useful at the moment, but |
| enough stories to keep us busy for a | | | | necessary to the future of our society.Doug |
| | | | Lipman is the world's premier storytelling |
| lifetime, through television, newspapers, | | | | coach. He |
| books, the internet, and all the other | | | | |
| | | | teaches NASA scientists, corporate |
| media. In spite of the presence of so many | | | | executives and professionals of all kinds how |
| destructive stories amidst the growth- | | | | to |
| | | | |
| promoting ones, it's good that we have so | | | | tell clear and commanding stories that will |
| many stories available. It's good that we | | | | move and transform their listeners.Author of |
| | | | the award-winning The Storytelling Coach and |
| can email a story to thousands of people at | | | | other books, |
| once.But when we use those impersonal media, | | | | |
| we don't have the sense of hearing the | | | | Doug publishes a free monthly email |
| | | | newsletter, "eTips from the Storytelling |
| story from another human who is telling it | | | | Coach." |
| to us in an act of relationship. That | | | | |
| | | | Read more at his web site, which also |
| personal relationship is healing in a world | | | | contains over |
| where relationships are eroded by strong | | | | |
| | | | fifty articles on the art, craft, and |
| forces in our society.The Constant Waves | | | | business of storytelling. |