| If your daughter is 14 or older, both of your | | | | Girls Give and Boys GetThe concept of just |
| lives will be easier if you encourage her to | | | | saying no has put girls in an unwinnable |
| simply say "not yet" to sex rather than | | | | situation. The double standard that's been in |
| trying to get her to forego sex altogether. | | | | place for generations carries on and sex |
| The message of abstinence hasn't caught on | | | | continues to be something that girls give but |
| among today's youth, according to Carol | | | | boys get. Having to say no only perpetuates |
| Cassell, former president of the American | | | | the myth that having sex will somehow taint a |
| Association of Sex Educators, especially when | | | | girl's reputation while allowing boys to |
| statistics show that nearly 70 percent of | | | | continue to pressure girls to have sex |
| unmarried women have had sex by the time they | | | | whether they're emotionally ready or |
| turn 20.Cassell suggests that it's time | | | | not.Psychologists recommend that teenagers |
| parents admitted to their children that sex | | | | wait until they're out of high school to have |
| is a pleasurable activity and that sexual | | | | sex. High schools are closed societies where |
| desires are a normal part of the maturation | | | | everyone is ready and willing to judge you, |
| process. However, she believes that children | | | | fairly or not. There's also more difficulty |
| under the age of 16 aren't mature enough to | | | | in getting contraceptives in high school, so |
| deal with the powerful emotional and physical | | | | there's an increased chance of pregnancy.For |
| consequences that can result from having sex | | | | girls who aren't ready, their first sexual |
| too early.A "not yet" philosophy can be | | | | encounter is often an empty, frustrating, |
| helpful for young girls who may be | | | | somewhat degrading experience. They haven't |
| experiencing pressure to have sex by allowing | | | | learned that sex can be a beautiful, |
| them to postpone their first encounter | | | | fulfilling thing when shared with someone |
| without the associated guilt and feelings of | | | | they're comfortable with and with whom they |
| insecurity. It allows them to take more | | | | have genuine mutual affection and |
| control of when they have sex without having | | | | friendship.The ironic thing is that as |
| to continually say no until marriage and lets | | | | difficult dealing with teenage sex may be, |
| them wait until they feel more emotionally | | | | one out of every three married couples still |
| ready for their first sexual encounter.If | | | | struggles with mismatched sexual desire. |
| you're the parent of a teenage boy, encourage | | | | We're all human beings, and by definition, |
| him to concentrate more on a girl's feelings | | | | everything about us is unique, including our |
| and emotions rather than on the idea of | | | | sexual desires. However, even if parents have |
| proving his manhood to himself and his | | | | their own sexual problems to deal with, they |
| friends. Remind your son that sex is a | | | | owe it to their teenagers to try to give them |
| perfectly natural experience, but there are | | | | the emotional tools to get through one of the |
| two people involved, even if he's only | | | | most difficult and frustrating times they'll |
| looking to have sex for the thrill of it. | | | | ever face. |
| | | | |