| Ask most people what it is like to go through | | | | proceeds then their clients get to keep. |
| a divorce and chances are you will hear a | | | | Instead of the children of the divorcing |
| litany of horror stories about high legal | | | | couple getting the benefit of the equity |
| costs, unfair results in court and lawyers | | | | their parents have built, the lawyer's |
| who don't care enough about their own clients | | | | children are the ones who get to go to |
| to return phone calls. Splitting up a family | | | | private school and the children of some |
| and the assets that have been accumulated | | | | divorcing couple will be lucky to have lunch |
| during a marriage is probably one of the most | | | | money. It doesn't have to be this way. |
| emotional transitions a person can go | | | | |
| through. Being encouraged by legal counsel to | | | | Divorce Mediation is an alternative that |
| litigate instead of being reasonable only | | | | allows you to keep control of your own life, |
| exacerbates the bad feelings between a | | | | money and children. Most divorcing couples |
| couple. Because of the high cost of legal | | | | have a lot to protect and this can best be |
| assistance, it is more important than ever to | | | | done by working together. Co-operation saves |
| make sure your lawyer has your best interests | | | | more than just money. The best gift you can |
| at heart and is not taking unnecessary steps | | | | give your children is to be able to co-parent |
| so that they can profit by billing more hours | | | | with your spouse. Instead of a divorce taking |
| to your account. If there are children | | | | years of expensive fighting, divorce |
| involved it is crucial that the parents walk | | | | mediation only takes a day or two partial |
| away from divorce court with the ability to | | | | days. While it may sound impossible that a |
| co-parent, something that is hard to do after | | | | total solution can be crafted in a 4-7 hour |
| a long, bloody adversarial process. Finding a | | | | period, I have done it so many times with so |
| lawyer who takes pride in resolving a family | | | | many different types of couples, I know it |
| law matter as quickly, inexpensively and with | | | | works. |
| as little blood shed as possible is unusual. | | | | |
| | | | The attorney who acts as mediator does not |
| Traditionally the process of getting a | | | | represent either party but acts as a neutral |
| divorce has involved hiring lawyers, going to | | | | facilitator who is a resource for both. The |
| court and letting a judge or the lawyers | | | | couple can ask the attorney/mediator legal |
| decide and/or negotiate the outcome. The | | | | questions and receive help in arriving at all |
| couple plays the most passive role in the | | | | the terms of their divorce. The mediator |
| legal drama. Because the decisions are coming | | | | drafts the marital settlement agreement, |
| from above instead of the couple themselves | | | | which is the document that is attached to the |
| fashioning a result, it is often difficult | | | | Judgment. The judge signs the agreement |
| for the couple to comfortably live with the | | | | without the couple ever going to court and |
| final outcome. When the couple is more | | | | the divorce becomes final 6 months from the |
| actively involved in creating the terms of | | | | day the initial papers were filed and served. |
| their own divorce instead of having to put up | | | | When the mediator has a powerful intention to |
| with the "one size fits all" solution that | | | | complete the divorce process instead of |
| the legal process gives them, there is a | | | | dragging it out, the results are miraculous. |
| better fit and more of a commitment to make | | | | |
| it work. Most people resent solutions that | | | | As someone who taught school for many years, |
| are imposed on them. It is natural that | | | | has a Masters in Special Education and worked |
| individuals are more satisfied when they get | | | | with extremely emotionally disturbed |
| to decide for themselves instead of being | | | | children, my primary interest is to help |
| told what to do. | | | | couples do what is in the best interest of |
| | | | their children. It is not in your child's |
| The adversarial approach does not serve the | | | | best interest to spend all your money |
| co-parenting process nor is it economically | | | | fighting with each other. It is not in their |
| efficient. The average divorce in California | | | | best interest to be caught in the cross fire |
| costs $20,000 each when both sides have | | | | of their parent's nasty court battle. I have |
| attorneys. Of course the price will go up or | | | | a unique ability to help couples focus on |
| down depending on how much the couple is | | | | what is really important and get off the |
| encouraged to fight vs. being encouraged to | | | | positions that keep them from settling. I do |
| be fair and settle. Divorcing couples can be | | | | what I call "Divorce In A Day" by working |
| extremely emotionally vulnerable and easily | | | | with the couple to find each side's bottom |
| manipulated by legal counsel who can be more | | | | line, letting them know what the court would |
| interested in racking up a huge bill instead | | | | probably do, acting as a reality check if |
| of quickly, fairly and efficiently resolving | | | | they have unreasonable expectations and |
| the matter. While there are many ethical | | | | constantly refocusing them on what is the |
| divorce lawyers who try their best to protect | | | | most workable solution for their situation. I |
| their clients, their orientation is still | | | | do all the paperwork associated with the |
| that of a "zealous advocate" which means they | | | | divorce as well as helping the couple craft |
| will do everything in their power to try to | | | | their own solution. |
| get their clients the best deal. This deal | | | | |
| often costs more in legal fees than it is | | | | Divorce mediation works best with honest |
| worth and usually results in making the | | | | people who are not hiding assets and just |
| couple so angry with each other it is | | | | want a result that is fair. Most couples who |
| impossible to co-parent. | | | | are in the initial stages of thinking about |
| | | | getting a divorce would do well to meet with |
| Most people are unaware that family law | | | | a divorce mediator as opposed to hiring their |
| attorneys are the ONLY kinds of lawyers in | | | | own attorneys. You only get one chance at |
| California whose fees are protected by the | | | | getting a divorce without acrimony. Once you |
| equity in their client's home. By law they | | | | start to go down that adversarial road, it is |
| have the right to run up enormous fees and | | | | that much harder to get back to a place where |
| then slap a lien on the family home and force | | | | you can function comfortably as co-parents. |
| a sale, often taking more of the sales | | | | |