| What is divorce mediation? What is custody | | | | family's circumstances, than the typical court judgment. |
| mediation? | | | | As a result, the adherence rate to mediated |
| Divorce Mediation and Custody Mediation are ways to | | | | agreements is much higher than that of adherence to |
| resolve your divorce or custody dispute which lets you | | | | court orders. |
| keep full control of the outcome. The only people | | | | Why is mediation cheaper? |
| making decisions are those involved in the dispute, | | | | Mediation is cheaper because it's faster and more |
| unlike arbitration or litigation where a judge or an | | | | direct. Most people come to mediation willing to work |
| arbitrator makes the final decision. | | | | on the issues and to learn how to communicate better. |
| Divorce Mediation and custody mediation typically | | | | That willingness translates into a less expensive |
| consist of several joint meetings between spouses (or | | | | divorce because resolving a case is almost always |
| parents, if you are not married) which last 3-4 hours | | | | cheaper than taking it to trial. Rather than speaking |
| each. During those meetings, you and your spouse | | | | through lawyers, you speak with each other (with the |
| discuss the issues which need to be resolved in your | | | | mediator's help, of course) about your goals and |
| case. The mediator is there to facilitate the discussion, | | | | issues. |
| assist with communication, provide information and | | | | Even if lawyers are involved with your mediation, they |
| suggestions, and use specialized training to assist the | | | | aren't spending hours and hours in court waiting for the |
| two of you to resolve your differences and write up | | | | judge to be free to hear your trial or billing for endless |
| an agreement which is fair to both of you, and, if you | | | | back-and-forth phone calls about the smallest details |
| have children, in their best interests as well. | | | | of your case. When you're using your lawyer, they're |
| What happens at the first mediation meeting? | | | | actually working on your case and helping to settle. |
| Many mediators offer a free mediation orientation so | | | | Consequently, their fees are typically much lower than |
| that you can meet the mediator(s) and decide if you'd | | | | in a case which is brought to court to litigate. |
| like to try using mediation to settle your divorce or | | | | Many mediators' fees are lower than local divorce |
| Family Law matter. Usually, the orientation lasts just | | | | lawyers. On average, clients resolve their cases with a |
| 20-40 minutes. The mediator will explain the process, | | | | mediator's help in 4 to 10 hours. |
| and you can ask any questions that you wish. The | | | | Why is mediation more effective? |
| mediation orientation is about the mediation process, | | | | Mediation is more effective because: |
| and not the details of your particular case. Ask if the | | | | * you get a chance to fully discuss an issue before |
| mediator you're considering offers an orientation | | | | you agree on it |
| because getting divorced and choosing a mediator are | | | | * you can try out agreements before the judge makes |
| very personal, very important decisions. Make sure you | | | | the divorce final |
| choose the right professional mediator and mediation | | | | * you learn to communicate better which makes new |
| office for your needs. | | | | and old issues less likely to turn into arguments, or |
| The actual Mediation process involves sitting down at | | | | worse still, days in court |
| a table in a neutral location where both parties will | | | | * you can take time in between each appointment to |
| have the opportunity to present their stories in a | | | | think about whether or not a proposed solution makes |
| balanced and non-confrontational way. Each person | | | | sense |
| gets a chance to tell their side, and you'll decide in the | | | | * if you need to change a solution before finalizing your |
| session how the session will unfold, like who goes first | | | | divorce in court you can do it quickly and easily |
| and how long they speak, whether you'll stay in joint | | | | What if we can't even talk? How can we mediate? |
| session or speak separately with the mediator, and | | | | If you are willing to try to learn to talk to each other, |
| whether you'll have your individual attorney present at | | | | then it's worthwhile to try mediation. Mediators are |
| the session. | | | | professionally trained to help people to build |
| Generally, mediation sessions are structured with a | | | | agreements and to learn to communicate with each |
| short intake, setting an agenda (a list of the issues) and | | | | other. If you're willing to try, a skilled mediator can get |
| then the decision of which issue to discuss first. | | | | you talking. |
| Generally, you'll start with the smaller issues and work | | | | As mediators, we've found that everyone who wants |
| your way up to the tougher issues so that you can | | | | to reach an agreement and who is ready to reach an |
| build some momentum. You'll work through each issue | | | | agreement will reach an agreement in mediation. If you |
| until there are no more issues left. | | | | don't want to reach an agreement or you're not ready |
| Ask if your mediator will write a summary letter about | | | | to agree, there's not much a mediator can help you |
| your session, including the agenda, tentative | | | | with. On the other hand, if you're in a lot of conflict, not |
| agreements, things to think about, and to do list for the | | | | speaking, and ready to go to court yet you're ready to |
| next session. These letters are a lot of work for the | | | | and want to reach an agreement, a mediator can help. |
| mediator (ours are billed at 1 hour but usually take 2 or | | | | If being in the room together is too difficult, ask to |
| 3 hours to prepare) but they're very valuable. With a | | | | schedule separate sessions either at different times or |
| summary letter, everyone starts with the same | | | | at the same time, but in separate rooms (called a |
| "memory" of what happened in the session, and if you | | | | caucus). This can let you take advantage of the |
| need to see an attorney, accountant, or therapist in | | | | benefits of mediation without the stress of being |
| between sessions, you can share your summary letter | | | | together in the same room. |
| with him or her so that they know what you're working | | | | What happens if we don't agree in mediation? |
| on. | | | | Even if you cannot agree on everything, you will |
| Sometimes, people find they need more information | | | | probably be able to agree on some things. Each issue |
| before they can make an agreement or before the | | | | that you resolve in mediation translates into less time in |
| session can continue. When that happens, you can | | | | court, less legal fees and less aggravation for you. |
| either go on to another issue, or stop the session and | | | | And, for those issues you could not agree upon, at |
| make another appointment, so that you'll have time to | | | | least you understand what those issues are, and |
| gather the information you need, or speak to your | | | | where you stand. At the very least, you will feel like |
| accountant, lawyer, or other advisor(s). Mediation | | | | you tried your best to reach an agreement before |
| works best when people don't feel rushed to make an | | | | resorting to court intervention. |
| agreement and when they have all of the information | | | | Sometimes new information, proposed solutions, or the |
| they need to make a good agreement. | | | | passage of time makes it possible to resolve a |
| Why mediation? | | | | previous disagreement, so even if you don't resolve |
| Mediation is the most practical and healthy choice for a | | | | your issue immediately, you may be able to resolve it a |
| person to make when facing a divorce. It helps you | | | | week or a month later, without having to go to court. |
| avoid the stress of litigation, saves you money, and | | | | Because mediation is flexible, you're free to schedule |
| helps you put the unpleasantness of divorce behind | | | | an additional appointment at any time. You're also free |
| you as quickly and peacefully as possible. Generally, | | | | to stop the mediation at any time if you don't feel |
| the agreements reached are more thoughtful and | | | | you're making progress toward resolution. |
| tailored to your individual circumstances, and your | | | | |